My dear heart ! Pause a little !
Let not you complain anymore !
Let not your vanity lament !
Lower your rebellious voice
Join yourself with the endless !
Behold.. the sky is silent !
The evening stands speechless !
Rain drops touch the tired earth
In a subdued tune !
All are mute...
Silent are the shady woods !
Threshold of darkness,
The evening stars lights itself
One by one with a rhythm !
As darkness deepens & silence intense
The whole family rests in sleep !
My heart beats again
Only to ask , 'how tiny am I in this marvel ?'
I hear a lovely tune in that silence
And my eyes behold a beautiful face !
A question arises from the peaceful heart !!
Whos that ? And how far ?............................ !!!
November 20, 2008
November 13, 2008
Numb or Dumb ?!?
Feel unusual these days !
I stopped writing ? Did I ??
May be I lost my words
As much as i lost my Life(?) !
No more do i savour anything?
No more do i feel anything ?
Felt numb!
My thoughts, words ....
All frozen just like me in this cold winter?
Are they??
Let me switch on the heaters to unfreeze;) !
Ah.. little life still remains somewhere!
Here comes..one confused piece!
Illusions are all that one can cling to ,
Each vision chosen by the eye
In its own perspective !
Hear to those tunes of love
Of those springs and streams,
That water large beds of
Tulips and Daffodils ,
Granting huge hope for
those yet to bloom,
the soul of dreams
Beyond shallow temptations
Glided with jewels of courage
To beat the pretentious perils!
Yes.. They are to make their choices !
To bloom or to wither ?
Let them make the best !
Our paths are laid by the choices we make !
And that leads to enchanted woods or arid deserts !
Walk not on the vote cast
by the mind without the heart !!
Blame falls on the decisions ,
Its a sadistic glory !
Or is it an irony of fate ??
P.S:
Successfully i wrote, but when i read it..i knew what it meant ...... May not, every reader, reads what is it !
Again a defeat of being an author:) ! But then, its the victory of the heater that I switched on:) he he :):)!!!
I stopped writing ? Did I ??
May be I lost my words
As much as i lost my Life(?) !
No more do i savour anything?
No more do i feel anything ?
Felt numb!
My thoughts, words ....
All frozen just like me in this cold winter?
Are they??
Let me switch on the heaters to unfreeze;) !
Ah.. little life still remains somewhere!
Here comes..one confused piece!
Illusions are all that one can cling to ,
Each vision chosen by the eye
In its own perspective !
Hear to those tunes of love
Of those springs and streams,
That water large beds of
Tulips and Daffodils ,
Granting huge hope for
those yet to bloom,
the soul of dreams
Beyond shallow temptations
Glided with jewels of courage
To beat the pretentious perils!
Yes.. They are to make their choices !
To bloom or to wither ?
Let them make the best !
Our paths are laid by the choices we make !
And that leads to enchanted woods or arid deserts !
Walk not on the vote cast
by the mind without the heart !!
Blame falls on the decisions ,
Its a sadistic glory !
Or is it an irony of fate ??
P.S:
Successfully i wrote, but when i read it..i knew what it meant ...... May not, every reader, reads what is it !
Again a defeat of being an author:) ! But then, its the victory of the heater that I switched on:) he he :):)!!!
November 02, 2008
October 12, 2008
கிருஷ்ணார்பணம் !
கவிதை செய்தேன்,உன் சொற்களை கொண்டு,வாசிப்பது யாரோ !!Life is a phrase...
Sometimes unfinished
Sometimes broken ,
Always waiting for
Someone or something
To give its meaning!!
So are my words !
Sometimes they seem useless
Without the shine ...
Better to remain mute
Than to live unexpressive
To the Heart that feels!
Does the heart search for its voice
Through the words?
Sometimes, the bare words
Do travel along!
Ofcourse they are heard !
Yet they long to reach
The heart which knows their meaning!!
October 05, 2008
His Highness Abdullah- A short recap!!
Learning new languages has always enticed me ! On no..not Java, C,C++..I meant languages with life!!
I am quite a bit acquainted with a few languages like English,Hindi,Sanskrit,Telugu,German and recently Malayalam, in addition to my mother tongue Tamil..I havent mastered any of these languages, but I love doing them so, which i know, never will I be able to do...
But still, the pleasure of making ourselves acquainted with new languages is simply great !!!
Malayalam,I had an affinity towards this language, right from my childhood, though i was not encouraged at home to know it, for some personal reasons. But still,the beauty in the pronunciation of every word, the amalgam of good sanskrit and tamil pulled me towards it somehow...
I used to visit my Physics Teacher Mrs.Indira Gangadharan often.Infact, I became a member of their family in a short time. So, no wonder, I started to learn their mother tongue,Malayalam.
So a bit of Malayalam rested in my memory as base. I got a few Mallu friends in my team.. So in these three years of my software career, though i havent done anything remarkable ( or notable?;) ) as a software engineer, i am glad that I was bestowed with an environment suitable to learn this language ...
Today, My relationship with the language has grown upto the level of writing a review about a Malayalam movie!!
The Plot :
The ancestral riches tempts the younger generation of the Tamburan family to kill the Master of the House ! A hired killer from Mumbai, Abdulla(Mohanlal) comes in disguise to kill the Thamburan. Being a man with music in his blood , he is unable to blot the faith of the old man in him by killing him, instead he succeeds in the mision of being a human being. He rescues the Thamburan from the clutches of the relatives and seeks forgiveness from him. As all stories, The hero is asked to live with the Thamburan family!
My Views and My connections to the movie :)
How did I choose to watch this movie ??
I happened to hear one song from this movie,'Deva sabhathalam', sung by Yesudas,and some other singers ! I liked the song, though i couldnt exactly nourish the beauty of the lyrics of the song, it had a mellifluous at the same time strong musical richness in it. So I desperately wanted to watch the film !!
And only by watching movies, i can keep in touch with the language :) Thats why a Malayalam movie !
And now about the film...
I have a friend who is a die hard fan of Mohanlal and who keeps on talking in praise of him if he gets a chance to. Little i knew about Mohanlal before watching this film.
Well, I should accept ,he is a good actor. The simplicity that he has thrown to the character and the immersion of himself to the story made me happy.
And i should also say, the overacting ( in his body language) that he had done to the beautiful song,'Deva sabhathalam' is really not much worth admiring.
The film had very little romance unlike the usual masala movies, infact i liked it for that reason... Subtle understanding and expression of the love between each other is worth appreciating.
Music throughout.... The film had quite a good number of classical melodies ... Ofcourse , its music, that makes the Old man ( Thamburan) to concede Anantha ( Abdullah) to stay in their premises!
Pramadavanam- A semi classical melody with Jog as base has taken form so beautifully!
'Sangeetham Eshwaran aanu ' ... It was said in the climax(or did i hear it like that?) ! Whatever, how true is it ? Even little Music makes anyone feel God, and a person who knows music will behave like God! I have strong trust in that belief of mine.. One who knows to appreciate gud music, will certainly feel good.
The conversation and dialougue delivery was gud throughout.In one scene, Mohanlal says, 'enda vijayathil mate oru aal pangali avathil eniki ishtamillaa ' What a profound thought ! Though we cannot say that victory can be solely ours.... but still ...it should be ours and ours only. The efforts to reach success can never be shared with anyone.
And the storyline is fantastic, though common in everyday life.
In short, the movie is worth my time:)
Cheers
Lady Peare:)
I am quite a bit acquainted with a few languages like English,Hindi,Sanskrit,Telugu,German and recently Malayalam, in addition to my mother tongue Tamil..I havent mastered any of these languages, but I love doing them so, which i know, never will I be able to do...
But still, the pleasure of making ourselves acquainted with new languages is simply great !!!
Malayalam,I had an affinity towards this language, right from my childhood, though i was not encouraged at home to know it, for some personal reasons. But still,the beauty in the pronunciation of every word, the amalgam of good sanskrit and tamil pulled me towards it somehow...
I used to visit my Physics Teacher Mrs.Indira Gangadharan often.Infact, I became a member of their family in a short time. So, no wonder, I started to learn their mother tongue,Malayalam.
So a bit of Malayalam rested in my memory as base. I got a few Mallu friends in my team.. So in these three years of my software career, though i havent done anything remarkable ( or notable?;) ) as a software engineer, i am glad that I was bestowed with an environment suitable to learn this language ...
Today, My relationship with the language has grown upto the level of writing a review about a Malayalam movie!!
The Plot :
The ancestral riches tempts the younger generation of the Tamburan family to kill the Master of the House ! A hired killer from Mumbai, Abdulla(Mohanlal) comes in disguise to kill the Thamburan. Being a man with music in his blood , he is unable to blot the faith of the old man in him by killing him, instead he succeeds in the mision of being a human being. He rescues the Thamburan from the clutches of the relatives and seeks forgiveness from him. As all stories, The hero is asked to live with the Thamburan family!
My Views and My connections to the movie :)
How did I choose to watch this movie ??
I happened to hear one song from this movie,'Deva sabhathalam', sung by Yesudas,and some other singers ! I liked the song, though i couldnt exactly nourish the beauty of the lyrics of the song, it had a mellifluous at the same time strong musical richness in it. So I desperately wanted to watch the film !!
And only by watching movies, i can keep in touch with the language :) Thats why a Malayalam movie !
And now about the film...
I have a friend who is a die hard fan of Mohanlal and who keeps on talking in praise of him if he gets a chance to. Little i knew about Mohanlal before watching this film.
Well, I should accept ,he is a good actor. The simplicity that he has thrown to the character and the immersion of himself to the story made me happy.
And i should also say, the overacting ( in his body language) that he had done to the beautiful song,'Deva sabhathalam' is really not much worth admiring.
The film had very little romance unlike the usual masala movies, infact i liked it for that reason... Subtle understanding and expression of the love between each other is worth appreciating.
Music throughout.... The film had quite a good number of classical melodies ... Ofcourse , its music, that makes the Old man ( Thamburan) to concede Anantha ( Abdullah) to stay in their premises!
Pramadavanam- A semi classical melody with Jog as base has taken form so beautifully!
'Sangeetham Eshwaran aanu ' ... It was said in the climax(or did i hear it like that?) ! Whatever, how true is it ? Even little Music makes anyone feel God, and a person who knows music will behave like God! I have strong trust in that belief of mine.. One who knows to appreciate gud music, will certainly feel good.
The conversation and dialougue delivery was gud throughout.In one scene, Mohanlal says, 'enda vijayathil mate oru aal pangali avathil eniki ishtamillaa ' What a profound thought ! Though we cannot say that victory can be solely ours.... but still ...it should be ours and ours only. The efforts to reach success can never be shared with anyone.
And the storyline is fantastic, though common in everyday life.
In short, the movie is worth my time:)
Cheers
Lady Peare:)
September 21, 2008
Grow up!
Someone asked me , 'Do you love someone?', I laughed terribly... till the other person was irriated.
I had no other option but to laugh at that question. What do they mean by love someone? I love everyone around me ...everyone whom i know , every living being I come across...Thats why i live... Dont we sing 'Bind us together Lord , bind us together with love ' when in school ? What does that mean if we are going to love one single person? And how can a question arise if we love someone?
And what do they mean by love ? If there is no love, there is no co existence,every single human being is a separate individual and no longer is a social being... Grow up people ! Dont limit your heart....It beats nonstop not to love someONE .... but to love as many as it can:) !
The question would have got a plain yes/no answer if it had been, 'Have you found a male partner with whom you can share your life?
September 20, 2008
Dance like a man-A short Recap!
Natya Mayuri Shobana, enthrals me in so many aspects !!
One look of her , makes my eyes captivated. Though I don’t generally go with outward looks, I should say, this young lady is graceful with her smile, lively with her lovely eyes! I know not if the art that makes her beautiful ,but she has a charm!
As any other internet user, I was searching for some good dance performances of her in youtube.
By chance, I happened to watch the movie ‘Dance like a man’ ,directed by Pamela Rooks based on Mahesh Dattani’s play . On screen are Shobana , Anoushka Shankar Arif Zakaria as lead roles in this poetic drama.
Somebody asked me why I am so particular about this movie, (you see ,I asked almost all my friends to watch this film). There are so many reasons…..
The movie though not an entertainer brings out the quotidian problems and varied emotions of the human community.
1.The failure and anguish of a man who chooses a profession that is inharmonious to the conventional expectations of the society is featured so well.
‘Happiness of a man lies in being a man !!’
‘A woman in man’s world is progressive, but a man in woman’s world is pathetic’ …. There are too many inferences that can be made out of this statement … I do not want to touch upon them. All in all, a man can be a man only if he formulates his path according to the long back conventions of this society!
2. I always say , every human is selfish ….and there’s nothing called selfless love in this mortal world. Everyone used to contradict me that I am too much getting into the intricate composition of nature. May be I am … but that’s what it is, everything has strings leading to everything else…and that’s how it is , we attach to people just to satiate our own selfish reason. May be the complexity of the reason may vary ….but the ultimate motive behind anything is self gratification.
And I found a strong representation of my point in the film. This is a conversation between the father in law and the daughter in law.
‘You seemed to forget , I married him because he is a dancer ’
’That’s what he believes and it is little harder to convince ’
‘it is the truth….’
‘Is it? Did u marry him because he will let you dance ? ‘
How true ! Love, marriage, everything creates a sickness in me - They are all driven by selfish motives!!
Ratna Devi is pictured as a woman who has used her husband to further her own talents and image.
Jayaraj is showed as a man with the typical ego unable to comprehend the occurrence of his spouse overtaking his talent.
The couple fail miserably in sharing their lives for the sake of growing their common love for art , by fighting for self claim rather than exhibiting a concerted creativity.
3. The strong persuasion of the unfulfilled dreams and desires of the parents on the child is vividly shown throughout the course of the film.
‘I never thought this interest of urs would turn into an obsession ‘ ,Says the father who couldn’t patronise his son’s interest.
‘You cant stop me from doing what I want’
‘As long as you are under my care …..’
He appears before us who makes use of the disappointing situation ( the spouse’s strong desire to excel) and tries to impose his own methods of making him an adult!
The lady whose dreams were shattered due to an unexpected fatal loss, has her daughter as her mannequin to fulfil her lost ambitions… The poor girl , is confused about if she dances only to please them and not to please her own self …but somehow she manages to please her parents ! (Its like., I have got to be everything they couldn’t be )
Height of disaster and Mortality !! The mother is jealous of her own daughter ! One can understand that very clearly! Again its my second point!
Above all…. I liked every line of the film…the way it was crafted….may be, too much similar to how I talk with people( only a few had bore the brunt of it though ;) !!
‘You are all that I have….’
‘Then I am sorry to say, you are left with nothing!’
He he…One such try--- I have expressed all my views though I have conveyed nothing :) !!
A good film …but would be a time pass only for a few contradictory species like me!
Do watch if you have time!
One look of her , makes my eyes captivated. Though I don’t generally go with outward looks, I should say, this young lady is graceful with her smile, lively with her lovely eyes! I know not if the art that makes her beautiful ,but she has a charm!
As any other internet user, I was searching for some good dance performances of her in youtube.
By chance, I happened to watch the movie ‘Dance like a man’ ,directed by Pamela Rooks based on Mahesh Dattani’s play . On screen are Shobana , Anoushka Shankar Arif Zakaria as lead roles in this poetic drama.
Somebody asked me why I am so particular about this movie, (you see ,I asked almost all my friends to watch this film). There are so many reasons…..
The movie though not an entertainer brings out the quotidian problems and varied emotions of the human community.
1.The failure and anguish of a man who chooses a profession that is inharmonious to the conventional expectations of the society is featured so well.
‘Happiness of a man lies in being a man !!’
‘A woman in man’s world is progressive, but a man in woman’s world is pathetic’ …. There are too many inferences that can be made out of this statement … I do not want to touch upon them. All in all, a man can be a man only if he formulates his path according to the long back conventions of this society!
2. I always say , every human is selfish ….and there’s nothing called selfless love in this mortal world. Everyone used to contradict me that I am too much getting into the intricate composition of nature. May be I am … but that’s what it is, everything has strings leading to everything else…and that’s how it is , we attach to people just to satiate our own selfish reason. May be the complexity of the reason may vary ….but the ultimate motive behind anything is self gratification.
And I found a strong representation of my point in the film. This is a conversation between the father in law and the daughter in law.
‘You seemed to forget , I married him because he is a dancer ’
’That’s what he believes and it is little harder to convince ’
‘it is the truth….’
‘Is it? Did u marry him because he will let you dance ? ‘
How true ! Love, marriage, everything creates a sickness in me - They are all driven by selfish motives!!
Ratna Devi is pictured as a woman who has used her husband to further her own talents and image.
Jayaraj is showed as a man with the typical ego unable to comprehend the occurrence of his spouse overtaking his talent.
The couple fail miserably in sharing their lives for the sake of growing their common love for art , by fighting for self claim rather than exhibiting a concerted creativity.
3. The strong persuasion of the unfulfilled dreams and desires of the parents on the child is vividly shown throughout the course of the film.
‘I never thought this interest of urs would turn into an obsession ‘ ,Says the father who couldn’t patronise his son’s interest.
‘You cant stop me from doing what I want’
‘As long as you are under my care …..’
He appears before us who makes use of the disappointing situation ( the spouse’s strong desire to excel) and tries to impose his own methods of making him an adult!
The lady whose dreams were shattered due to an unexpected fatal loss, has her daughter as her mannequin to fulfil her lost ambitions… The poor girl , is confused about if she dances only to please them and not to please her own self …but somehow she manages to please her parents ! (Its like., I have got to be everything they couldn’t be )
Height of disaster and Mortality !! The mother is jealous of her own daughter ! One can understand that very clearly! Again its my second point!
Above all…. I liked every line of the film…the way it was crafted….may be, too much similar to how I talk with people( only a few had bore the brunt of it though ;) !!
‘You are all that I have….’
‘Then I am sorry to say, you are left with nothing!’
He he…One such try--- I have expressed all my views though I have conveyed nothing :) !!
A good film …but would be a time pass only for a few contradictory species like me!
Do watch if you have time!
September 02, 2008
Today it rained!
Today it rained!
All are soaked,
Drenched,shivering
And Silent!
I walked in the rain .......
The drops penetrate my soul !
In them I could sense...
Sounds of laughter
Ringing in my ears
Shades of love
Dancing around in vibrant colors !
Shadowing back my ordinary life,
With so much magic in it
Which was never felt then !
Water dripped down my face
Mixing with the tears!
No longer do i want to miss
The magic of the present !
I walk along enjoying!
The rain drops call me on and on
Across the universe!
The world is drenched.. So am i :)
Joining the ecstatic chorus of the Universe !!
Cheers, Lady Peare :) The cold winds along with the shower, made me tremble, but then to forget that i m shivering, i was thinking of a few lines, which i penned later!:)
All are soaked,
Drenched,shivering
And Silent!
I walked in the rain .......
The drops penetrate my soul !
In them I could sense...
Sounds of laughter
Ringing in my ears
Shades of love
Dancing around in vibrant colors !
Shadowing back my ordinary life,
With so much magic in it
Which was never felt then !
Water dripped down my face
Mixing with the tears!
No longer do i want to miss
The magic of the present !
I walk along enjoying!
The rain drops call me on and on
Across the universe!
The world is drenched.. So am i :)
Joining the ecstatic chorus of the Universe !!
Cheers, Lady Peare :) The cold winds along with the shower, made me tremble, but then to forget that i m shivering, i was thinking of a few lines, which i penned later!:)
August 29, 2008
how much does it cost??
To earn a few more coins... How much one needs to pay? Atleast ... for a few Indian minds like me, its terribly expensive to get a few more pennys in the purse! Wonder, Why am i dreadfully confusing?
Onsite travel-a dream of every software engineer!
For me, its like, i transformed to a software engineer, knowing all the threats, I will face(being very modest,straightforward ), just because, i know i could travel to places only in this profession!
Travelling to places amuses me ... as long as it does not become a routine...And that was the driving force behind me undergoing more than that i can endure all these three years!
So ..Today ..I am in an alien land! Everyone say i can earn more, and i have got what others are struggling to get....
How much I pay for that? Let me elucidate the costs, ofcourse reasonable to me alone!Basic needs of a human being: Food ,Clothing and shelter! How would you feel if you dont get any one of these?
We live in houses with people whom we never knew before.. Its pleasant to have new relationships.. but not always! Every single habit of every single individual differs and most times, we are forced to adjust ! Adjusting is tolerable as long as it doesnt affect our traditions and practices.
We rent a house for exorbitant rent and pay the list of bills , just to eat and sleep in the, atleast 1200 sq feet area.Its just like a taking a room in a hotel if we are out of station..We just come and go,never knowing who resides in the next door! Thats about my shelter :)
Being a strict south Indian vegeterian, food is the Kashmir issue of my life! Ofcourse people dont hesitate to ask me if i dont have any problem in my life,other than food!Believe me, If i dont cook myself..i will starve.Such are the options available outside the kitchen. They call them with wild(??) names , Nothing being edible. Basically, a person who hates to take bread and pizza ... will find extreme complexity(The filter Veg, adding more complexity) in choosing food products outside India! Han,the main drink here is 'COKE' ... Take a sip after every gulp of ur food, to force it thro' the food pipe.Reason being water is costlier than Coke!
Konjam parupu thalichu vitu sooda sathathula nei potu sapta epdi irukum? Sapta madhri irukum...Ma..i miss u so much!
Thats about the primary requisite to be alive!!
Next comes my dress! This isnt a big problem for me , because the costume that i wear here , has been my regular wear when i was in my school..All those years, i have been brought up like a boy..(my long back post, 'MY FQ' will give enough instances) ..But how comfortable is it ? Transformed to the chudi, salwar and dupatta, a few years ago, now i cant even dream of wearing one here ,'All eyes on u' as if you are from the suburbs of the world!Atleast clothing isnt too much far from my reach!
So anyone would ask me, you are not denied any of the three basic needs,then what bothers you.... but do u think i have got ,what i have(would like) to get? Its like being denied!
Mm.. how good is the comfort level here?Born in a tropical country like India , to be true, the summer of the alien grounds seems dead cold winter for me ! I shiver.. My voice got transformed, if i speak its like growling (i wouldnt say that mine was sweet earlier, but now even my sister is not able to recognise)! Waiting for the winter, hope i m not dead:)!
I have a habit of visiting temples both when i am happy(to celebrate my happiness) and when i m lost(to get an air of consolation)! Now, i could just think of those times. Temples are far off:(! Wherever i want to go, i will have to search for a mate to accompany.. Wuf, I hate this dependancy! I cannot be me!
Above all ! My Parents for whom i live for, my friends who made me feel my life, are all far off! Sharing a word with them is becoming costly(time & money being deciding factors) ...
I wish atleast the distance doesnt grow further!
Every weekend, I remember, either i go to my hometown or spend time with friends ! Now even that has become a distant dream !!
Think i have paid my life !
Long back , i wrote a small verse in tamil ,
Vilaiyatra en vazhkaiyai
Vilai pesi vitren,
En vazhkaiyai ota !!!
So now tell me !!!
How much does it cost???
ha ha... So anyone who reads would expect me to return to India soon...There is the irony! I would like to continue here as long as it would take me!
Cheers!!:)
Would add more to this in the coming days!! :)
Onsite travel-a dream of every software engineer!
For me, its like, i transformed to a software engineer, knowing all the threats, I will face(being very modest,straightforward ), just because, i know i could travel to places only in this profession!
Travelling to places amuses me ... as long as it does not become a routine...And that was the driving force behind me undergoing more than that i can endure all these three years!
So ..Today ..I am in an alien land! Everyone say i can earn more, and i have got what others are struggling to get....
How much I pay for that? Let me elucidate the costs, ofcourse reasonable to me alone!Basic needs of a human being: Food ,Clothing and shelter! How would you feel if you dont get any one of these?
We live in houses with people whom we never knew before.. Its pleasant to have new relationships.. but not always! Every single habit of every single individual differs and most times, we are forced to adjust ! Adjusting is tolerable as long as it doesnt affect our traditions and practices.
We rent a house for exorbitant rent and pay the list of bills , just to eat and sleep in the, atleast 1200 sq feet area.Its just like a taking a room in a hotel if we are out of station..We just come and go,never knowing who resides in the next door! Thats about my shelter :)
Being a strict south Indian vegeterian, food is the Kashmir issue of my life! Ofcourse people dont hesitate to ask me if i dont have any problem in my life,other than food!Believe me, If i dont cook myself..i will starve.Such are the options available outside the kitchen. They call them with wild(??) names , Nothing being edible. Basically, a person who hates to take bread and pizza ... will find extreme complexity(The filter Veg, adding more complexity) in choosing food products outside India! Han,the main drink here is 'COKE' ... Take a sip after every gulp of ur food, to force it thro' the food pipe.Reason being water is costlier than Coke!
Konjam parupu thalichu vitu sooda sathathula nei potu sapta epdi irukum? Sapta madhri irukum...Ma..i miss u so much!
Thats about the primary requisite to be alive!!
Next comes my dress! This isnt a big problem for me , because the costume that i wear here , has been my regular wear when i was in my school..All those years, i have been brought up like a boy..(my long back post, 'MY FQ' will give enough instances) ..But how comfortable is it ? Transformed to the chudi, salwar and dupatta, a few years ago, now i cant even dream of wearing one here ,'All eyes on u' as if you are from the suburbs of the world!Atleast clothing isnt too much far from my reach!
So anyone would ask me, you are not denied any of the three basic needs,then what bothers you.... but do u think i have got ,what i have(would like) to get? Its like being denied!
Mm.. how good is the comfort level here?Born in a tropical country like India , to be true, the summer of the alien grounds seems dead cold winter for me ! I shiver.. My voice got transformed, if i speak its like growling (i wouldnt say that mine was sweet earlier, but now even my sister is not able to recognise)! Waiting for the winter, hope i m not dead:)!
I have a habit of visiting temples both when i am happy(to celebrate my happiness) and when i m lost(to get an air of consolation)! Now, i could just think of those times. Temples are far off:(! Wherever i want to go, i will have to search for a mate to accompany.. Wuf, I hate this dependancy! I cannot be me!
Above all ! My Parents for whom i live for, my friends who made me feel my life, are all far off! Sharing a word with them is becoming costly(time & money being deciding factors) ...
I wish atleast the distance doesnt grow further!
Every weekend, I remember, either i go to my hometown or spend time with friends ! Now even that has become a distant dream !!
Think i have paid my life !
Long back , i wrote a small verse in tamil ,
Vilaiyatra en vazhkaiyai
Vilai pesi vitren,
En vazhkaiyai ota !!!
So now tell me !!!
How much does it cost???
ha ha... So anyone who reads would expect me to return to India soon...There is the irony! I would like to continue here as long as it would take me!
Cheers!!:)
Would add more to this in the coming days!! :)
August 19, 2008
Just like that :)
Sun in winter!
Rain in scorching summer!
Are they not cherished?
Anything in full is uninvited,
A blend is crucial!
But When to be & when not to be?
Where to be and where not to be?
Who determines?
I am far off ……
Neither can I linger here forever...
Nor can I haul out from here at once.
The roads are to be trekked…
However they may be
Greener or paler…
They are merited.
That,Sets my heart free to myself
which defines my life,
In humble submission to nature’s tenderness
To remain better and bright.
Perhaps so,
A comfort in ache :)
August 13, 2008
No mood to name !
Thoorangal neendana,
Mounangal thodarnthana,
Namidiye irukum
Ariyaa vuravai unarthava ???
Endralum , inithana enaku .....
Distance reminds ur Love! :)
I think i found love....
*****************************************
I dream, i m lost most times!
Ek Taare zameen par resembled me too much!
Living in a fantasy world...
If so, dont i know the reality?
Nope, I know, but Could i ever change that ?
Why to crib about that when i can dream?
I love that serenity!
******************************************
I speak ...to every entity thats close to me!
Ofcourse , rarely human beings!
People laugh at me, who cares?
They listen... they dont argue!
I have someone ( oh no, some things)
Which hear me !
*********************************************
I argue........... to every human
Whom i find close to me,
I know not to show love,
Instead i fight !
I pity, they will never know
that i really like them !
*********************************************
I forget........... every person
Whom i never want to hear about again,
I know not to show anger on them,
for whom i lost my respect....
I pity , they will never know,
that i already forgot them!
**********************************************
Who am i??? the most contradictory specimen !
I knew not! i could hardly comprehend me ....
P.S: Will Continue this series ...if i wander thro' the same mood:)
P.P.S : I found love... wuf! again i contradict all..
I dont mean i found my partner(for all those who raised eyebrows)...i said i found that i too know to love !
I do love my baap n maa :) dont I ?
Mounangal thodarnthana,
Namidiye irukum
Ariyaa vuravai unarthava ???
Endralum , inithana enaku .....
Distance reminds ur Love! :)
I think i found love....
*****************************************
I dream, i m lost most times!
Ek Taare zameen par resembled me too much!
Living in a fantasy world...
If so, dont i know the reality?
Nope, I know, but Could i ever change that ?
Why to crib about that when i can dream?
I love that serenity!
******************************************
I speak ...to every entity thats close to me!
Ofcourse , rarely human beings!
People laugh at me, who cares?
They listen... they dont argue!
I have someone ( oh no, some things)
Which hear me !
*********************************************
I argue........... to every human
Whom i find close to me,
I know not to show love,
Instead i fight !
I pity, they will never know
that i really like them !
*********************************************
I forget........... every person
Whom i never want to hear about again,
I know not to show anger on them,
for whom i lost my respect....
I pity , they will never know,
that i already forgot them!
**********************************************
Who am i??? the most contradictory specimen !
I knew not! i could hardly comprehend me ....
P.S: Will Continue this series ...if i wander thro' the same mood:)
P.P.S : I found love... wuf! again i contradict all..
I dont mean i found my partner(for all those who raised eyebrows)...i said i found that i too know to love !
I do love my baap n maa :) dont I ?
August 12, 2008
On the streets of Basildon :)
Wow!! A beautiful place of my kind...calm...beautiful roads, lovely flowers adorning them, greener pathways, pretty houses leaving my heart n soul in peace! I m often seem lost in this serenic beAuty .... Ofcourse , not new to me, but now a little longer thAT i come to the real world :)
This small poem is in memory of him ;) ....
We spoke not of the sun, nor of the fair growing moon
This soul, whose day was done
Had never claimed its share in all those
Yet its rare...rich heritage had won...
Special bond had formed...
So thro' my heart, there winds a track of feeling...
A path of memory that is all my own ...
Wherto...
Twas here ,
We walked when ferns were springing,
When birds were singing in the greener and pleasant shade...
Twas here .....
His phantom beauty ever stealing
My thinking eyes!!!
The Fancy of his image on me falls...
Walks with me with a slow step
At every turn and corner ....
And touch my happier day!!!:):)
Cheers,
Lady Peare
I walk for thee:):)
P.S : If u have read my initial posts...u would know who is he:)!!
This small poem is in memory of him ;) ....
We spoke not of the sun, nor of the fair growing moon
This soul, whose day was done
Had never claimed its share in all those
Yet its rare...rich heritage had won...
Special bond had formed...
So thro' my heart, there winds a track of feeling...
A path of memory that is all my own ...
Wherto...
Twas here ,
We walked when ferns were springing,
When birds were singing in the greener and pleasant shade...
Twas here .....
His phantom beauty ever stealing
My thinking eyes!!!
The Fancy of his image on me falls...
Walks with me with a slow step
At every turn and corner ....
And touch my happier day!!!:):)
Cheers,
Lady Peare
I walk for thee:):)
P.S : If u have read my initial posts...u would know who is he:)!!
July 06, 2008
Goals – They are stars!!
Was there any goal to this journey???
Definitely no purpose.. Just a write up.. It goes on as much as it would, as much as it could.. it stops when it cannot go further...
Well, let me start , the question which had the uncountable number of occurrences in my life is ‘What is your goal in life? ’ ,’what would you like to become?’...
I should say the answers too had as many occurrences and each being unique & distinct.. Though in the end, it appeared that I had never had a choice in that matter.. Every move was irretrievable,and fate directed each step towards what I am now ?!!
When I was three years old, goals never disturbed the open, uncorrupted mind of a kid. I had always imagined to be a girl who recites thirupaavai and sings ‘Chinna chinna kannanku ena vendum’ in some temple.
Freedom fighter
Little I grew, my imagination grew to something heroic..
I was acquainted to freedom fighters Lokmanya Tilak, Bharathiyar etc. through cinemas and dramas. I wished to become a freedom fighter never knowing that the freedom struggle is already fruitful till I was taught that I am already a citizen of Independent Bharath.
‘Why not?’ Then who is this chief minister, Prime minister?? Are we not ruled by them .’’. I will fight for freedom, the hearers were bewildered at the innocence and arrogance of the little kid.
An orator
Books, Debates, Radio programmes entered the kid’s philosophical cerebrum.
As much as I read, I loved to deliver and preach others. And I was so enthusiastic and energetic, I never hesitate to speak before any number of people. The crowd was just an entity without life.. I spoke with all passion.. Now I could realize how people tolerated me for speaking subjects which could never be understood by children of my age... The fearlessness and courage in me always pushed me to think myself us a great orator....
Singer
I was ten when I joined my music classes, my passion grew, I heard lot of music, sang with all reverence...
The pattu paavadai and the jimiki whenever I sing, amused me so much..
The comments that I got from the maami’s and maama’s made me prepared to become a famous singer & sign my fans autograph books...
An IAS officer
Come summer holidays ,the circumstances prevailing at home would be serious fun in the evenings..Quiz time for me and my cousins. Dad will be the scorer and the judge .In order to win the game, I started seriously preparing for the evening show with the CSR issues. My favorite column being ‘Toppers talk to u , My biggest Mistake’ ..etc.. I started loving to go to Thillainagar, just because my dad said that the district collector resides there. I built my home there, my swing in front, my car with the siren…all in dreams!!
A soldier
Republic day Parades , a show which could make me immobile… The discipline and the uniformity exhibited by the soldiers stole my senses.. I wanted to live like a soldier… once I told my mom, ‘ Ma, I want to die the death of a soldier.. ‘ for which I was slapped and was told,'I would have kissed you if you had said, that I will win as a soldier'
English Professor
English-Not just a language ..It’s a relation, It’s an entity in me, no…emotion in me.. I love my English classes..I gained a measure of peace, a hysterical pleasure..What not??? Everything in my life..How I would listen to Shakespeare retold by my English teacher..Often I thought, it was the proudest and the noblest of all occupations in all dignity and honor to be an English Professor…
A psychiatrist
By now, I was fifteen years I was given the option of choosing my group..I wished to become a doctor. A systematic plan not only for preparation with time bound targets but also for specializations after doing my UG was drafted..I wanted to become a psychiatrist..
A scientist in ISRO
Space shuttles, Missiles…All fascinated the budding Mechanical Engineer. I had always dreamt of being an young scientist, who works with heart and soul…
It goes on and on… What am I now? I have never dreamt of being a Software engineer… Not even a faint memory that resides in me says I wished to be a Computer Engineer…
But I was taken in a path which I have never ever felt to choose… Nor I felt I should …
Goals…what are they? I really do not know … I reached where I never dreamt of.. with destinations where I wanted to, becoming distant lands where I could never go to ….
For me..Goals are just like stars..they are uncountable…
They can never be reached unless you are destined to ………
That’s the fate of my Goals
May 05, 2008
Wings of hope
‘I m sorry’ , she tried to wipe her eyes, but the tears would keep coming.So before she waited for the response ,she walked away down the street.
It was the best she could do, and she was happy that she did it…She took a quick breath and walked fast. Her cheeks still had those silver gems resting as an ornament proud enough to be seated there..She saw him on the way as if she was destined to share her happiness with him..She told him what had happened.
‘Was that stupid? ‘ ,
‘Not stupid kid, Brave , you have courage…And that will help you go thro’ everything..I am happy that I know you’
‘Is that all? :)’ , she giggled ‘ That’s just about all it is.. A gesture or an emotion? I do not know ,But I could not see those birds which are created to fly in the air , get caged, just to keep a residence decorated …’
‘Mm, But would anyone there would have expected you to do that ?
‘Not at all..the lady was explaining with earnest efforts , how to feed them & how nice they will behave when guests are in …..’
‘Oh..touchy touchy …then??
‘I wanted to make her guilty of clipping the wings of the poor bird..but I knew it was useless. The lady knew no harm when people around are there to buy. So I said none of it, instead asked for the price..she took a bird from the cage. As she was taking, I could hear her voice say something, but couldn’t decipher what she was saying, I could hear only my heartbeats saying,’ I have to get it out , Its an act of faith, faith on its freedom to live …..It was important to me…’ I took the bird with a shaky breath in my hands, gave one sweet look at it implying, ‘You have taught me to be courageous enough to do what I want…thank u, the freedom is yours .Live it’ It didn’t take long for the bird to perceive my thoughts..It was more intelligent than I thought, gave me a soft look implying a ‘thank you’ …
I released the bird from my hold and it flied happily .The lady stared at me, gave her the money , and couldn’t stand there for long to hear her speak.. So said a sorry and came back…Goodness, I feel I did one good deed …which could make me feel happy at heart ….'
‘Mm.,It’s the beginning..I look on the bright side…Whatever , I couldn’t imagine doing it..I may think, and I will leave it there’
‘You can’t leave it there, if u imagine a little more’
‘What do u mean?’
‘Place u in the cage, Imagine u to be inside…you will ACT’
‘Hmm…where is it coming from?’
‘Never you mind that..I am destined to be like this , as much as the bird is destined to fly …
‘ Well, Yes’
She was at peace…. Seeing her wings of hope flying high :)
It was the best she could do, and she was happy that she did it…She took a quick breath and walked fast. Her cheeks still had those silver gems resting as an ornament proud enough to be seated there..She saw him on the way as if she was destined to share her happiness with him..She told him what had happened.
‘Was that stupid? ‘ ,
‘Not stupid kid, Brave , you have courage…And that will help you go thro’ everything..I am happy that I know you’
‘Is that all? :)’ , she giggled ‘ That’s just about all it is.. A gesture or an emotion? I do not know ,But I could not see those birds which are created to fly in the air , get caged, just to keep a residence decorated …’
‘Mm, But would anyone there would have expected you to do that ?
‘Not at all..the lady was explaining with earnest efforts , how to feed them & how nice they will behave when guests are in …..’
‘Oh..touchy touchy …then??
‘I wanted to make her guilty of clipping the wings of the poor bird..but I knew it was useless. The lady knew no harm when people around are there to buy. So I said none of it, instead asked for the price..she took a bird from the cage. As she was taking, I could hear her voice say something, but couldn’t decipher what she was saying, I could hear only my heartbeats saying,’ I have to get it out , Its an act of faith, faith on its freedom to live …..It was important to me…’ I took the bird with a shaky breath in my hands, gave one sweet look at it implying, ‘You have taught me to be courageous enough to do what I want…thank u, the freedom is yours .Live it’ It didn’t take long for the bird to perceive my thoughts..It was more intelligent than I thought, gave me a soft look implying a ‘thank you’ …
I released the bird from my hold and it flied happily .The lady stared at me, gave her the money , and couldn’t stand there for long to hear her speak.. So said a sorry and came back…Goodness, I feel I did one good deed …which could make me feel happy at heart ….'
‘Mm.,It’s the beginning..I look on the bright side…Whatever , I couldn’t imagine doing it..I may think, and I will leave it there’
‘You can’t leave it there, if u imagine a little more’
‘What do u mean?’
‘Place u in the cage, Imagine u to be inside…you will ACT’
‘Hmm…where is it coming from?’
‘Never you mind that..I am destined to be like this , as much as the bird is destined to fly …
‘ Well, Yes’
She was at peace…. Seeing her wings of hope flying high :)
April 24, 2008
Suggest a title:)
It continues…………….
He had not heard her voice to him for five days, but no communication between them was necessary. It only seemed to them that they understand better. He wanted to meet her. So did she…
They wanted to hear from each other. It made him angry if he was forced to think that he could not meet. She liked his anger. It only allowed both of them to share a common place in a usually crowded restaurant..They did not choose any private place devoid of human breath, because they knew that each of them forget the world around in each other’s presence,so...
‘Strawberry Milk shake’
‘One more’
He did not smile at her. She saw a cigarette moving in his hands. She moved her eyes with a sharp precision of the movement of the cigar. It conveyed an
Impression of hardness. He knew he would hear no words till it gets over.
So he voiced, ‘Are you fine’
‘Yes, till I came here’
He had no reasons to remain quiet..
‘Do you think you will not be fine if you are with me? ‘
‘It’s one of the few questions I don’t like to answer’
‘Any specific reason?’
‘The obvious one..’
‘I don’t know..’
‘If u knew enugh to ask, I thot u knew enugh to know the answer as well’
‘Hell..No..Not till now. If u wish to know it myself, I hate the reasons’
‘Such as it is,U will have to accept it’
‘You are a damn fool’’
‘I know I am, that’s what makes me better than most fools who fail to recognize that they are …’
‘Hell with you,Enugh,I don’t want to hear things like this…’
‘Shall we leave?’
‘What’s your answer?’
‘I dint expect to hear it again’’
‘Don’t u think it’s a mistake to fool urself by hiding your interests?’
‘Myt be, you r ryt in your diagnosis’
‘Can you make it clear?’
‘You do understand’
‘I want to hear you explain it’
‘But whatever I feel, It will not affect my decision’
‘Are you happy?’
‘I don’t want to be..’
He kept silent, quite long…
Then, ‘Do u mind if I want to be happy?’ He asked earnestly…
‘Ridiculous! What effect it’s going to have on me, if u are happy or not?’
‘You are killing urself!! You will start regretting….
Oh no..U wont…u r not human!!’
She said looking at him, ’’I would take it as a compliment’
‘Words…They are strange when u say…
‘They are mine, they behave like me in the exact way…’
‘Proceed,’ he in a gentle voice, as if he wanted to hear her speak..
‘Is it a request?’
‘All right, you need not ..u remember, Don’t we understand each other better even when we are silent?’
‘you sound as if it had made you happy?’
‘Certainly yes..How does one achieve this kind of understanding?’
‘Leave it there, Let’s talk something else!’
Her eyes moved away from him, He glanced at her with a lack of astonishment..
‘Splendid!, I will change the subject…are u going to continue in this profession?’
‘I don’t like anything here to continue..I may ,till I probably find a job suited to my interests’
‘You have got to do something then…’
‘I do have to..but I don’t find enough time to think of materializing my interests’
‘What actually u mean?’
‘Well, allow me home, I am deprived of time I have got to do much useful things’
‘That’s alright, I will make up for it, I will drive you home…But Vaishu, u could have been as plain as this in everything…’
She laughed…
‘That was a serious condemnation,Raghav..If everything becomes plain, u would not have chances to have the pleasure of diagnosing the truth behind the screens’
She stood up…’I will take care of reaching home myself’
‘Well, Should I hear something else behind what you say aloud?’
She smiled,’ You won’t be serious at all?’
‘ I am….Come, Lets go’
‘Thanks, I thot it would be a trouble to u’
‘Quite an understatement’
‘Sorry’
‘I don’t mind’’
She opened the door, cheerfully, and took her seat.. as if nothing had happened…
He drove as if he has not met her at all…
P.S :Tried dialogue writing! dont know how it is:)
He had not heard her voice to him for five days, but no communication between them was necessary. It only seemed to them that they understand better. He wanted to meet her. So did she…
They wanted to hear from each other. It made him angry if he was forced to think that he could not meet. She liked his anger. It only allowed both of them to share a common place in a usually crowded restaurant..They did not choose any private place devoid of human breath, because they knew that each of them forget the world around in each other’s presence,so...
‘Strawberry Milk shake’
‘One more’
He did not smile at her. She saw a cigarette moving in his hands. She moved her eyes with a sharp precision of the movement of the cigar. It conveyed an
Impression of hardness. He knew he would hear no words till it gets over.
So he voiced, ‘Are you fine’
‘Yes, till I came here’
He had no reasons to remain quiet..
‘Do you think you will not be fine if you are with me? ‘
‘It’s one of the few questions I don’t like to answer’
‘Any specific reason?’
‘The obvious one..’
‘I don’t know..’
‘If u knew enugh to ask, I thot u knew enugh to know the answer as well’
‘Hell..No..Not till now. If u wish to know it myself, I hate the reasons’
‘Such as it is,U will have to accept it’
‘You are a damn fool’’
‘I know I am, that’s what makes me better than most fools who fail to recognize that they are …’
‘Hell with you,Enugh,I don’t want to hear things like this…’
‘Shall we leave?’
‘What’s your answer?’
‘I dint expect to hear it again’’
‘Don’t u think it’s a mistake to fool urself by hiding your interests?’
‘Myt be, you r ryt in your diagnosis’
‘Can you make it clear?’
‘You do understand’
‘I want to hear you explain it’
‘But whatever I feel, It will not affect my decision’
‘Are you happy?’
‘I don’t want to be..’
He kept silent, quite long…
Then, ‘Do u mind if I want to be happy?’ He asked earnestly…
‘Ridiculous! What effect it’s going to have on me, if u are happy or not?’
‘You are killing urself!! You will start regretting….
Oh no..U wont…u r not human!!’
She said looking at him, ’’I would take it as a compliment’
‘Words…They are strange when u say…
‘They are mine, they behave like me in the exact way…’
‘Proceed,’ he in a gentle voice, as if he wanted to hear her speak..
‘Is it a request?’
‘All right, you need not ..u remember, Don’t we understand each other better even when we are silent?’
‘you sound as if it had made you happy?’
‘Certainly yes..How does one achieve this kind of understanding?’
‘Leave it there, Let’s talk something else!’
Her eyes moved away from him, He glanced at her with a lack of astonishment..
‘Splendid!, I will change the subject…are u going to continue in this profession?’
‘I don’t like anything here to continue..I may ,till I probably find a job suited to my interests’
‘You have got to do something then…’
‘I do have to..but I don’t find enough time to think of materializing my interests’
‘What actually u mean?’
‘Well, allow me home, I am deprived of time I have got to do much useful things’
‘That’s alright, I will make up for it, I will drive you home…But Vaishu, u could have been as plain as this in everything…’
She laughed…
‘That was a serious condemnation,Raghav..If everything becomes plain, u would not have chances to have the pleasure of diagnosing the truth behind the screens’
She stood up…’I will take care of reaching home myself’
‘Well, Should I hear something else behind what you say aloud?’
She smiled,’ You won’t be serious at all?’
‘ I am….Come, Lets go’
‘Thanks, I thot it would be a trouble to u’
‘Quite an understatement’
‘Sorry’
‘I don’t mind’’
She opened the door, cheerfully, and took her seat.. as if nothing had happened…
He drove as if he has not met her at all…
P.S :Tried dialogue writing! dont know how it is:)
March 28, 2008
Dawn or Night !
The night fell asleep again
Tremulously I await…
But for whom? I know not!
I hate this laughter..
I detest that silence too …
A road chalked out alone,
With love shown to none!!
So much to say …
But what do I ??
Silent and obscure …
Thoughts fuming and foaming
Deep inside …
Much confused to accept life.
Clouds gather, Breeze dances …
Desire lurks there…
Strange faces do appear..
What are they for?
To shatter my dreams , Or,
To augment them ? I know not!
I wait for the night to fall..
Just to wait for the next dawn …
To see those bizarre faces in the gathered clouds!
To hate those laughter …
To detest those silences!
What am I made of?
Thoughts, Contradictions or Confusions, I know not !!
Tremulously I await…
But for whom? I know not!
I hate this laughter..
I detest that silence too …
A road chalked out alone,
With love shown to none!!
So much to say …
But what do I ??
Silent and obscure …
Thoughts fuming and foaming
Deep inside …
Much confused to accept life.
Clouds gather, Breeze dances …
Desire lurks there…
Strange faces do appear..
What are they for?
To shatter my dreams , Or,
To augment them ? I know not!
I wait for the night to fall..
Just to wait for the next dawn …
To see those bizarre faces in the gathered clouds!
To hate those laughter …
To detest those silences!
What am I made of?
Thoughts, Contradictions or Confusions, I know not !!
March 17, 2008
The hot coffee!
She was usually disliked , from the sight of her face. He had found her homely & dull hitherto, with nothing much to her credit, but her lovely smile and shrewd talks…Not an adequate reason for him to fall in love with her. But today, he wanted to see her, the desire was intense… He’s heroic…Not he is, really..but he makes people around feel so… Her presence always lifted him from the pressure he could not define. He felt , when he thought of her, nothing would ever replace her…. He prepared himself to explain how he feels… He started… rode towards … cursing the traffic lights whenever they turned red… He wondered if he should have announced his visit. There she was waiting out…as if she knew he would come this time. He felt at peace. Oh no..he had something to fear about.. His confusion needed no explanation. She could easily notice. She was not happy about it. She smiled, slowly, delicately..’Hello Raghav, How do u do?’ Her tone indicated it was not an invitation…He felt an unfamiliar pressure in his heart… ‘Fine Vaishu, How r u?’ He entered the drawing room… the room radiated peace usually …but now he feared the lights threw light on his emotions. ‘Would u like to have some coffee Raghav ?’, ‘…….’ No response from him. She switched on the TV and went in.. It played the recent super hit song ‘Sariya ithu thavara ……’ He found himself impatient.. Took himself off from his seat and switched off the TV. He could smell the aroma of coffee surrounded everywhere in the room…She doesn’t like coffee .. She is not a regular kitchen visitor as well.. But still she makes good coffee..May be..she learnt for him. ‘ hey…Why, Y did u switch off the TV?, that’s a good song, the lyrics are too good..it depicts the natural emotion of the guy..’ he felt secure..He could relate himself and start the topic. He was thinking how to launch the facts. Should he really? Yes..he cannot wait more…… She felt alone in his presence. Realization of her loneliness struck her suddenly. ‘Why is his behavior indifferent ? What has happened to him?. Should I ask him?’ She cannot continue to be unvoiced. ‘Why are you dull ? Any problem?’ Does he deserve this compassion..No he doesn’t.. He is going to blot all her faith in him … ‘ Vaishu…Of course Yes.. Do u want me to say? ‘ His face was speechless , he gave a look as if he did not speak anything at all. She gave a plain stare , ‘ if u want , you have to..’ . He felt that the sentence implied much more than what it actually means.. Yes..Only if he expresses himself.. he could at least know if he wins or loses… He has to do . . ‘ Vaishu..’, his words trembled. She has always known Raghav as a person with a rigid tone.. will never lose its stiffness ..it always meant that he is strong and he knows more. ‘ Vaishu, I wish you were with me always…’ He felt relieved, he was expecting a blast from her. But the ambience that his heart achieved after this struggle, was seen in the room too… She slowly raised her voice to say.. ‘ hey.. Come on yaar.. I may not leave u, unless u want to..’ he can understand that she did not understand his meaning . He did not want to leave it like that… ‘ Vaishu..I mean ….’ . She knows what he wants to say..Of course, she expected this to happen sometime in the future..but not this early. She could neither say ‘no , I may not’ …. Or say ‘yes..i may’ … because she likes him.. she thought that she has not yet got the maturity to decide on it. She does not want things to end that way or start that way… She never knew what made her feel his closeness to her. No one around who had known them, could feel that they really shared much than what they really see.. they were two extremes…but they were able to enjoy their differences and find enough common ground to sustain a healthy relationship. She did not want the world to know it either… She did not want it to happen.. She wants years to wait for them to decide … ‘ Raghav..I can understand .Why do u worry about something before it happens.. Face it when you come to it…Don’t expend time in preparing to face a lion when it is only a cat…it May or may not happen.. don’t confuse urself ..this is not the time..just forget today…. Be poised …be strong as ever… I don’t want to see u ruled by emotions, Take care..’ She deserved an admiration.. He loved her reply..He thought she was mature than her years… His emotions were ruled by her words. She felt a pleasant smile in her heart… P.S Ithil varum katchigulam sambavangalum karpanaiye.... This post is titled 'Hot coffee' jzt for a change.... Tea z boring! :)
January 31, 2008
Frozen moments!
Silence was deep!
The sea awoke from the middle of its deepest sleep!
Waves rose high in the heart !
External shows etched images in the brain!
Immortal hours came live in the eyes!
It savored divinely sweet!
It assuaged the present bitterness!
Those moments were not written anywhere!
They belonged to me ! And me alone!
‘ The first sung Patriotic song in school ..
The Nickname entitled to me by my teachers at the age of ten
The tears i shed, when Dad was trying to tear off the moustache stuck with fevicol on my face
Dad’s Clap when I jumped off the moped to save myself when I was learning to drive
Mom’s smile when I said ‘Thank you ma’ for My Hero ranger
The pages of the Ramayana book with pics that I read almost all the time
The chocolates distributed to every acquaintance that I got a sisterJ
The kicks I got for not eating from mom n dad
Sky watching with my English teacher
Cute little ‘Namaskaram Thatha’ whenever my grandpa comes home
Pieces of Sugarcanes nicely trimmed and cut by dad into white lollipops
Friendship for the first time in KNH
First received congratulations from Dad in 18 years ( only once)
Peacocks replying to my calls
First received proposal
Long rides in Karaikudi roads
The neatly shaped arrows of ATD Sir
Songs played in the early morning PLA bus
.
.
……………………
The tales of wonder ..undimmed by years !
Sacred images saved with love
Living sparks majestically seated in memory
Volumes of memoirs shall remain unerased !!
Suddenly Silence struggled …… With silent knights and beautiful ladies looking at my tears ….
All was dark around…. I was in the bus travelling, With no life !
The sea awoke from the middle of its deepest sleep!
Waves rose high in the heart !
External shows etched images in the brain!
Immortal hours came live in the eyes!
It savored divinely sweet!
It assuaged the present bitterness!
Those moments were not written anywhere!
They belonged to me ! And me alone!
‘ The first sung Patriotic song in school ..
The Nickname entitled to me by my teachers at the age of ten
The tears i shed, when Dad was trying to tear off the moustache stuck with fevicol on my face
Dad’s Clap when I jumped off the moped to save myself when I was learning to drive
Mom’s smile when I said ‘Thank you ma’ for My Hero ranger
The pages of the Ramayana book with pics that I read almost all the time
The chocolates distributed to every acquaintance that I got a sisterJ
The kicks I got for not eating from mom n dad
Sky watching with my English teacher
Cute little ‘Namaskaram Thatha’ whenever my grandpa comes home
Pieces of Sugarcanes nicely trimmed and cut by dad into white lollipops
Friendship for the first time in KNH
First received congratulations from Dad in 18 years ( only once)
Peacocks replying to my calls
First received proposal
Long rides in Karaikudi roads
The neatly shaped arrows of ATD Sir
Songs played in the early morning PLA bus
.
.
……………………
The tales of wonder ..undimmed by years !
Sacred images saved with love
Living sparks majestically seated in memory
Volumes of memoirs shall remain unerased !!
Suddenly Silence struggled …… With silent knights and beautiful ladies looking at my tears ….
All was dark around…. I was in the bus travelling, With no life !
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