Relationship ? Why ? How?

I m back to this place after a long time!
What have I been doing all these days? A question to myself!
But then, the answer comes out this way!! I have been through a severe self test all these days! More questions filled in my small brain…creating huge voids…They scrutinized me …introspecting me to a greater extent than this world does….
Am I good enough? Do I love enough? Am I loved enough? Why to make relationships? Where do they start? How to classify them? Why do they end? How do they end? How certain relationships live for years, like the old banyan tree which stands the test of time, others for a few hours, like the lovely flower that withers away as dusk falls?

Philosophy occupies a great portion of my regular reading right from my childhood days….
I have always enjoyed reading… but the frenzied point when u find yourself fallen into a whirlpool of self questions……..u find philosophy a mute spectator panting itself unprepared to answer……….I found everything around me, inside me turn to questions…Wuf ..The disgusting darkness and the filling blankness of that moment!!!!

I don’t know how to move on writing this blog, coz often I start somewhere, take circuitous routes and end nowhere.
Its quite customary that anyone would be hunting a particular something but then will end up in a surprisingly new discovery… In a similar fashion, let me brief ( I doubt!) something that I read from Frozen Thoughts, a magazine for which i desperately await every month , its an extra dose in the journey of my life, it has helped me understand myself to a greater extent and also a right understanding of relationships at a deeper level. I Suggest the next time u find this book somewhere, do have a read for sure..

Human relationships are often compared to jigsaw puzzles..True..Unless its handled properly ,never could we find a right solution. Every one of us start making relationships with someone or other in the course of our living.But how many of us give thought to have a long lasting relationship? Often the relationships end as the conversation with a co-passenger in the Sleeper class coach..

Maintaining a relationship requires effort.

Many times, I notice young couples who come to the parks and hotels. The young gentleman spends his entire time over his mobile (the worst invention -will post soon why i dislike it) ..I don’t understand what’s the point in taking his wife all the way to the best place if he cannot spend a few hours with her. He is able to give attention to all those (clients, managers, friends...) who are not there, for more than one hour. But he could hardly spend time with his beloved, who does everything for him and always wish him the best. Will not the young lady feel that her feelings are disregarded??
Relationships survive and grow only when nurtured with understanding and respect. In the process of building relationships one should not ignore the feelings of already existing ones. If someone is repeatedly picturised that she/he is not important, will the relationship survive?
There's no use of making new relationships if one cannot maintain consistency.

Small things do great bonds

Young men and women of today, love to portray themselves as being busy or so much engrossed in their work ( i don’t know if they are really!) and spend very little time with beloved ones..
After all, our dads and moms need their child, not a management Guru to give lectures to them about the relentless work we do. So wear your uniform when it’s needed, Remove it when you have to. Learn rising to the occasion... After all, we work to live our life.. Its not that we have to spend thousands of rupees to show that we cherish a relationship... I often see a great happiness in my mom's face whenever I go and stand beside her in the kitchen, of course I do nothing there, but still I spend time watching my mom cook and acknowledge that everything she does, induces my taste buds.. How happy will she feel when i bring a glass of water when she looks tired.. ? Think the feeling of being his, when we sit with our dad and share a joke? I often luv to hear the voice full of joy , when I wish my sister for her class tests. Sounds very silly, but still, its kind of emotional assurance that you give to your close ones. Often I never forget to wish any of my friends' bdays ..Hardly i would have spoken, when i was in college, but the moment they understand that i remember them, they feel that i luv their presence.
Small things that we do make people that they are important, of course, at times, small things that we miss to do will make them feel unimportant too..

Acceptance

Accepting as they are, sounds tough, but an essential principle to have relationships alive. I have a habit of remembering people in the simplest ways I can... Every week, I call up old friends, teachers just to let them know that I remember them. And every day, I necessarily spend some time to draft mails to friends, I am really choosy about the subject matter, take pains to send each one of them different mails according to what they like…But never I m remembered on my bday…My mobile hardly rings…Hardly I get reply mails from them. But that doesn’t diminish the respect and love I have for them. I accept as they are. And that acceptance alone prevents relationships fade away with time.

Sorry- U need to have courage to say that!

How many of us have the courage to say sorry when we go wrong? If we don’t, do we think why we are not able to? Ego, the worst human characteristic keeps us from being humane. All are egoistic in nature and some of us are egoistic in specific situations, if not all the time. We end up living egoistic with people we envy or look down upon. We fail to consciously realize that our pride doesn’t allow to see ourselves below where we aspire to be. And we turn insensitive to the feelings of others. Before we summon our courage to say sorry, ego tarnishes the relationship. Its high time we curtail the deadly presence of ego and build up the courage of saying sorry whenever we understand that we are wrong.

Assumptions

One day, I didn’t get a single call from my home (usually I speak 5 times a day) despite the fact that I was having fever. I seriously started questioning myself. Am I loved enough? Why should I live when there is no one to care for me? Even my own parents don’t care for me, then who else will do? I felt as if I was thrown away by the world. The feeling of being alone irritated me. I gave least thought to know why they haven’t called me up. And I made up my mind that I should not call them unless they themselves do. Then the next day, I came to know that my mom was extremely sick and was hospitalized .Dad was the only soul there to take care of her and he didn’t call me coz my mom didn’t want me to know that she is ill. I felt how mean I have become. I imagined myself something and put myself into trouble. Then I realized it is good to act based on facts and not assumptions. We often go wrong because we react to assumptions.

How is your relationship with YOU (yourself?)

Do u spend time with yourself? Each day has to be filled with at least one activity that you enjoy thoroughly, do only for yourself. It could be anything, singing in the bathroom, having the most delicious pie, reading comic books… Anything…. which makes you forget all else.
The activity hardly matters… I often luv to sit in solitude, but it brings me closer to myself and makes more intimate to myself.. Wow..That’s a really a feeling which u can’t explain.
I often do few activities solely for me, where I need no one else to enjoy. I enjoy being with words, birds, moon, stars, love, waves all alone. I do it just for me alone. At times, I have a cup of fresh juice in a beautiful garden restaurant alone, when every other table has young lovers exchanging coy looks…But I love this solitude, serenity… I get closer with the juice I have, the nature around... Of course I and me can’t get closer anymore…
Only when you know how to be close with yourself, you can think of being close with others..


Relationships are not strange. But they survive only when they are handled with care and love. I learn how to keep relationships fresh and alive, amidst all pressures, in every small step, life teaches me to take.
Of course, I love to have relationships!!

Orange Bubbles!!

Few weeks back, a small circle of friends were to spend our evening near the mighty sea.
More than the joy of meeting old friends after quite a long time, the evening was amusingly pleasant, with the orange sun leaving a tinge of it on the vast sky...yupee..that was a serene sight..i cldnt just describe the beauty of it with my words..I m afraid that i may lose the original picturesque magnificience..So let me call Wordsworth to portray the scene....

It is a beauteous evening, calm and free,
The holy time is quiet as a Nun
Breathless with adoration; the broad sun
Is sinking down in its tranquillity;
The gentleness of heaven broods o'er the sea

We had to walk back with fond memories filling our hearts and minds.. This post is not about the pleasant time we had..On the way back, my friends wanted to have some cool drinks to quench their thirst.So we stepped into the juice shop..Everyone ordered some juice of their choice..As usual ,I asked for a bottle of fanta..The waiter showed a big glee saying that it was not available.
My buddy insisted me to order some other drink..But na..I wont..So i remained silent with a long face...Padma expected this and asked me why i am so particular about this drink..Few other friends knew how much i am spellbound by fanta because they were with me in all the treats and parties we had together ..and fanta was my usual choice in all those...Whenever someone offers to get me something, i would always go for this orange bottle..At times, i may pester a few other friends to get me one so that i remember them all thro' my life ...
I turned dumb to Padma's question because my pleasant mood changed like the polluted air...
The next day, after she knew that i am back to my spirits, sent a mail stating the ill effects of taking soft drinks..I felt happy to have such a nice sincerely caring friend..
All my life, i have stayed clear what soft drinks may lead to.... But now after first few fears that i nudged away ever so gently and i got to believe that they are stuffs taken by me without imperiling my life..the mysteries behind my belief, i need to untangle..

But for that...I m quite sure that my fav drink makes this insipid youth(krish) into calling for greater minds(excited self) and to new beginnings whenever i have a sip of it!! A mature adult(padma) warns me some mystical curse...But the spell is cast and i sip enchanted,my secrets masked in shapeless orange bubbles...

Life,on a broader perspective rests on a set of groundless beliefs - things you take for your life without knowing why you have to.. Like your faith in God, Like a blind faith in love... These simple tunes keep you going - like unquestioned traditions in every day life. For no rhyme or reason, I decided to believe in orange bubbles... and I discovered heaven!!!

P.S: Whoever reads this,dont forget to get me a bottle of fanta.Thanks in advance :-)

I like Cycling!!

Speaking about my Early days of my cycling career, I still remember the shop owner who gets rupees two for every cycle of height 2 feet, he hires for one hour. In those days, there were very few summer camps to keep tiny tots engaged.It was a real challenge for parents to manage their kids in the burning summer.. It was one similar summer,I started my practice sessions early in the morning ( 5 am..wonder how i was so brisk those days), with my dad running along with the two feet cycle in the 400m track railway grounds.. There are two possibilities your start up would show once you are on your own..You could either succeed or fail..But when you know,you have a pair of extra eyes to watch on you,your focus seems well balanced that you firmly believe that you will tackle,whatever come may..the personal touch you get as a bounty in every small step you take will be the key to your growth..So my sessions were cool with my dad by my side.. The initial practices are more than just about memories..They set you the pitch for your future grounds.. More practice sessions....Ofcourse proved its worth..I started riding it on my own!! There was a sense of pride in my dad's eyes!! How sweet! It was in my third standard ,my dad got transferred to Mysore and as the eldest child of the family,it is not uncommon , that I had to take all responsibilities at home .I had to do all works ranging from getting karigai to fixing appointments in hospitals..(Taking dad's place at the age of seven..!! )..Its a kind of learning indeed..It is in these life experiences, you recognise and understand various bizness strategies.Now my point is not what i learnt ,but how i managed to deliver remarkable results in all that i had to do..Yeah..Its all with my cycling!!I was yet to own a cycle .But then, my father's old Hercules cycle with a bar ,definitely designed for a grown up male,came to my rescue..Wonder how will this puny figure of seven years attempt to ride a cycle of considerably greater weight?? Heard of monkey pedalling?? Its a great technique to be adopted when the cycle seems a huge vehicle.. Theres some kind of thrill in that..yup..a tiny tot balancing the huge structure on roads !! Two years later, came my priced possession, cynosure of all eyes as a gift from my mom and dad!! Guess what? It looked stylish, majestic with its straight silver hand bars with a beautiful bright maroon body, wheels with thick tyres, rightly placed reflectors,firm brakes... Yeah..it was a hero ranger!! I had my first ride to the nearest temple with my head held high and heart full of gratitude.. From then on, Everytime i have a ride i had the sheer pleasure of riding a bike...The way i drive( oh..its ride!) my cycle, envied the neighbourhood...The speed with which i traverse kilometres in the goldenrock quarters roads, which has absolutely very min traffic, created panic in everyone around there. My cycle had been my best friend ever ...I spend the entire evening with it accomplishing all my tasks..As soon as i come home from school( I was not allowed to take my ranger to school, for twas a few feets from my home), my evening begins with the hindi classes, a kilometre from my home. I start just 5 mins before my class and speed up with all twists and turns on the roads. After one hour, I start my ride to attend my music classes , half a kilometre from there... after which I reach home, when every family would spend their time in their front garden. Naturally all eyes would be on me.. Sometimes, it may lead to next day complaining episode to my mom..' Your daughter rides too fast, what will happen if she falls down,tharunam thapina maranam..konjam sollungo'... That evening, I will be packed up to my classes 15 min before than usual so that i will reduce my speed..but na, twill have very little effect on me.. Alternate days, I take long rides to Theo.geometry classes and also to sahasranama parayana classes..The ride will be exhilarating on the wide roads, in the moonlight with all the street lights glowing brightly. Sometimes, i used to take zig zag turns on the roads and have great fun.My return journey will not be as much thrilling as it was, coz my dad would come to pick me up and every time i try to take up speed ,i will get a cautious tone insisting not to take. Though i was taught to ride a motor vehicle early in my twelfth year and i could drive reasonably superb , I always prefer my ranger.. All this fun continued till i finished my tenth standard..And then, I started disliking my ranger..Reasons , as usual, reasonable to me alone..I no longer wanted to get noticed by people...I no longer wanted to be stylish with all my pants and shirts, canvass shoes and having a great ride ...I no longer wanted my ranger...yeah..all these psychological disturbances were the the culmination of me missing out a great feat in my board exams ..Of course , it was my pure imagination that being so stylish has had an effect on my marks....So i tried to viel myself in my own world... Emotional commotions are often perceptible by loved ones..Immediately, in two days time , a captain cycle , definitely designed for a growing girl, occupied its place in my home.. I dont remember any fun i had, for another two years time though i took my captain to do my everyday work.... But my passion towards cycling was still alive deep inside me...That ebbed out when i made an entry to a professional college. My Captain came to my hostel..though i could realise its not as lovely as my ranger..But still, the fun i had with my cycle all those four years is remarkable and ever fresh. Karaikudi , one of the best places where one can cycle in the best way they like..The roads were broad and wide ...very few buses come along those roads ...the most peaceful place with huge shady trees on either side of the road... Most of the times, i like to cycle along those roads alone...So i have my rides to CECRI, a beautiful campus with thick trees, beautifully maintained parks, naturally blooming flowers... to meet one of my best friends who likes the place more than liking me(yup.i m not sure if i m true), where we have nice chats, often disturbed by the beauty(shld i use handsome? surprisingly a male bird) of the peacock crossing our eyespan!! My lonely rides often extended to Galaxy , a browsing point in kkdi and sometimes to King's bakery, which enjoyed max revenue due to the orders it gets from our hostel. All those rides were truly exciting for me, coz often my mind wanders in its own state of lovely dreams( which u cant do when u have someone by your side) ...Human mind is an excellent machine programmed by various neurons..Wonder why i call it a machine? Becoz once an action is done repeatedly, it becomes unessential to keep u concentrated in that, for , the action is done by itself subconsciously. So ur conscious mind has the option of wandering anywhere, like me dreaming while cycling.(Think i m turning too much scientific :-)) My cycle rides with friends also take a remarkable portion of my memory. Me, along with Padma and Vidhya take evening rides upto Arya Bhavan, sometimes to Periyar silai, Ramnagar...All those times , the few riders on road will turn their eyes towards this trio for sure..The loud laughs and talks along the roads at times annoy the other occupiers of the road( occupy- sounds as a misplaced word? True, we fill in the entire road very cautious not to split the trio ride) .More often, we were noticed by the strict tutors during those rides and were warned of being more fun loving. And now....All those rides just remain memories....I chose Chennai, one of the biggest Metropolitan cities of the country ..for all the wrong reasons.... No more rides..No more fun..No more thrill..the traffic out here creates a sickness ..the plethora of four wheelers and corporate buses leave the cyclers no space!! Afterall, its development, people say! I yearn i am in a land where there are few vehicles , less pollution and more space( ofcourse , my bank accounts needs to be charged too)!!

Luv at the age of nine..!!!

I fell in luv at the age of nine!!! Too small an age to fall in luv? Na..I dont feel so...my luv for him...still remains as fresh as it was years before...so strong...so lovely.. so clear...so enthusiastic..jzt cldnt think of anyone else in his place.....

Twas in my standard four ,I discovered something wonderful in my life..... I cldnt imagine wherefrom this love entered my life...yeah..twas when i met my man!!! Thanks to Miss Tara, my English teacher, who introduced him to me...I was asked to enact the role of Mark Antony..a solo performance on stage for some event in school... I went home with no idea of who this Mark Antony is...but with the sheet of paper written in some flowery language...which read like dis
' Friends, Romans, Countrymen....' I awaited the arrival of my dad with the paper in hand..with a brief introduction given by my mom ,in my mind that Mark Antony was a character in Shakespeare's play 'Julius Ceaser'.... After a long agonising wait, Dad came from office...
I was more curious to know who this Mark Antony is...Dad was also excited to tell me the story of the play...I luved the way my dad narrated the whole play...more than that i luved the story...
Dad took his books from his book repository to show me the playwrite...Wow..That moment...something happened....some chemistry started working ....How true!! you dont force yourself to fall..you just fall in ......
From then on...my luv towards him grew tremendously ........ eating up all my study time ...
Dad would help me relish the language of Peare with fun and great luv..his soliloques,his sonnets..poems..something remains unchanged..those moments...
My craze towards him grew that i joined all competitions , events, dramas that involved Peare...
And it continued for years and my luv grew to its max ...when we had Twelfth Night for extensive study in our syllabus in my ninth and tenth standard....The care that Mrs Shanta will take, to make us really feel the mood,tone and the style of the Great playwrite was awesome...I anxiously awaited her classes...especially twelfth night classes....My eyes showed my luv for her classes....Luv is often expressive without you knowing!! I excelled my fellow friends in all those classes, when i would often be more inquisitive than normal, to know more about my man...This peculiar behaviour drew the attention of my teacher and she fuelled my passion with more books, famous critics and notes...collected by her from the best English professors.....

The time i spent with my Peare exceeded day after day.....and at one chaotic point( it created a chaos at home, believe me!!)....my mom limited the time to just one hour a day....Wuf ..'tenth class ,board exams..u have eight more subjects to study' .. my mom would chide me...I had no other go but to heed to my mom's words....
Life seemed a bit dull without having enough time to spend to my most beloved...might be this separation too aggravated(the word seems rough..but twas true) my luv towards him....Yeah..Luv is magical..often weird to understand...but luv is the beauty of life...it keeps you alive. amidst all pressures of life...

Then.. .i stepped into college..Life wasnt that much interesting..I could hardly meet my Peare...though i run home every week to take a look of him(one of the reasons for me flying away from my hostel every friday )... At times..i may seem so absent minded that i forget even the names of my friends when i am deeply engrossed in his works... This would be a great fun to my hostelmates...Luv looks funny to the observers..Unless its experienced..

hmm..Coming out of college...thanks to internet... whenever i m tired of my mundane work in late midnights....there's my Peare waiting for me to keep my spirit alive...
Months back..I was just forwarding a message asking for nicknames..nowadays we spend most of the time clicking the forward button..Twas that message , that made me take myself to great heights..Wonder why..One of my buddies Techila(as i fondly call Akhila) sent me a reply stating Lady Shakespeare as my nickname .....That moment...I was speechless... How nice is it to get acknowledged as lady Peare...which i was dreaming all these years!! I dont know..that this name suits me or not..in literary aspects....But as far as my love towards him is concerned ....I truly deserve this name......I love him so much...My first luv...getting acknowledged!! Wow..Beautiful moment of my life!!
First Love...Love ever ....True ever too....
If only...I meet my Shakespeare alive...(i do see him alive in his works)..still the world needs a physical form to introduce him to be my best ever partner...........Hmm..thats far from feasible....Still I love him ...continue to love...No mortal form could replace him.........till night hangs upon my eyes!!

Lady Peare( So fond of being me) !!!

P.S : This post is supposed to be interesting...Emotions behave in a strange way....at times, they bring out best words..at times.. words fail to take a shape...

Sri-Flying to Singapore!!!

Singapore awaits the arrival of Sri !! In two days time he will be flying there ..I had to bid farewell to him last sunday...Thought i could give him a song...At times..when emotions rule you..you feel you lost your language...find really hard to verbalize what u feel..Emptiness fills your thoughts...that moment...hmm..

Sri is one of my best buddies with whom i share my world...A great friend of mine...Really an interesting personality...Noone knows his pleasant character unless one gets close to him..superficially, he seems strict..rigid..and i think many fail to recognise the friendly self in him...But the underlying truth is once u get to know this guy, he will do anything to take u to the right place u deserve!!! His words will be full of zeal and its but natural, that I will get energised and will be back to my jolly self in a minute's time, even when i m confused and seems lost somewhere..... The warmth and affection, his words afford, his attitude towards success,friendship,his sense of humour.....all these make me wonder how nice it will be if everyone has a friend like Sri..

And now...He leaves India, to do his Phd in Nanotech at Nanyang Tech University (NTU), Singapore.....Really, i m one among those who will miss him greatly...
He really deserves great heights....All the best my friend.....
Hope internet and other facilities will keep us in touch for years!!

hmm..I had no song to give him...So Quoted a few lines of Charles Kingsley.....


My fairest child(friend), I have no song to give you;
No lark could pipe in skies so dull and gray;
Yet, if you will, one quiet hint I'll leave you,
For every day.

Be good, sweet maid, and let who can be clever;
Do lovely things, not dream them, all day long;
And so make Life, and Death, and that For Ever,
One grand sweet song.


Charles Kingsley.....


Take care Sri..With all my love and wishes!!!

Dad! I luv u!!

The greatest gift I ever had.... Came from God, and I call him Dad ..

Convocation over!!

The day is over……………….
Couldn’t even think of another day where v can meet………



I had to bid goodbye to my collegelife…...
Never willing to walk away parting……..
I feel my soul left my body behind…..

You don't know ...how it feels to be...
having to wait for another twenty five years….
Deep within my heart and soul
I long to behold again…….
Luv to Savour the beauty forever…
To take myself back to my almamater..
Restless is my mind for reunion…….

Still making a try to comprehend my soul…

Days are galloping…….
Things are changing a lot……...
Changes are bound to happen………..
Is there something which doesn’t change .
over the years.??
Years roll…. some unforgettable faces...
still cause a tautness in the heart..
Some moments of time have iced up deep inside….
There's something….
which has snubbed to move in synchronous with time...
Something has remained standstill....
probably, those nostalgic days...
those moments.... those carefree hours.....
Those innocent caring faces...
their freshness still lingers on...
they'll forever.....I suppose
because.
those are figured in your heart…….

Noone to soothe my bruised heart..
But time….and memories….

Waiting for the day after twenty five years…

Lady Peare here!!

Lady peare arrives here with all her love and peace to the world!!!
Thanks for all the loved hearts who wanted a blog from me!!
Why do I need a blog?

When you are old and grey and full of sleep...
And nodding by the fire,take this book
And slowly read and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once and of the shadows deep!!!
---W.B.Yeats..

Guess i enjoy Blogging!!!
Reasons for me naming my blog as lady peare's pages will be an interesting post soon...