Rain - You are so nice!

This morning, I peered outside my window to see the world with thin sheets of water.

Water on the leaves, water on the rim of the buildings , water on the roads, water on the mud..

I do not LOVE rain as they show in the films, for it is messy  & I have to search for an umbrella . Still , I like rain because I need water.. the plants look fresh & green and also the rain carries its own long term benefits.

And needless to say, after spending months together in the hot sun, a rain is essential and brings back life.

The sun will rise and in the scorching heat, the water will evaporate, however it is a special occasion, that morning when you wake up and see a different world from what you had expected and gives you a sense of purpose and freshness.

Okay, today’s rain put me into thoughts. Most priceless things in life are available for free. Only that , we do not care to have them/ miss them.

I stand in the water, the foam of the wave laps gently on my feet . I dug my feet into the sand, letting the waters wash my feet over and over again. I saw a white shell , floating across the waters. I stand there and watch the clouds on the horizon. I stand there unwilling to move, I had thought of the shell, and the sea wished to fulfill a random wish that crossed my mind. The next wave brought it on my feet. I bent and picked it up.

The apartment I live in is West Facing , I sit in my living room and was treated to the most gorgeous sky that I have seen for a while. Myriad shades of pink, orange and blue blending together. As the colors glowed, I look bright in the mirror, as they fall on my face.

Of all that I know of ,the best sight is the shimmering glow of the moonlight in the dark blue sky and the simple darkness that allows the stars to shine and blaze in all their brilliance , undimmed by the light of thousand streetlights sprung out of urbanization.  The velvety darkness with the studded stars is simply a magic.

 

There are times, when I used to spend my time endlessly in enjoying these precious moments – just sit in the balcony and watch.. till a few years before. Such moments bring out the glowing sparks of creativity with harmoniously connected images and smooth and soothing associations with the past.


Wish I could get that carefree life once again , sooner.

Time -You seem to be cruel

Some feelings , you feel you can never write them about,

May be because no one can relate to them.

 

Walking along a path unknown, I walk on and on,
By the invisible unflinching feet that I have.

For sustenance of self on this cosmos,

I take paths advocated and designed.
 

Sometimes I feel devoured to pieces,

By the silent armaments of time .
 
I ask self, where did I go wrong ,
Things were supposed to be that way I guess.

 

What I envision in my dream,

Fail to help me move.

Want to shut it all out and think afresh,

Alas, every dream leaves an imprint on the mind.

As a bird of peace
I feel caged in the Realms of Time.
 
Time, you are cruel
You are running without me.

 

Occasional : Still on a no big occasion

From being a regular writer (writing confused “Letters to Friends”), I have become an occasional writer.I have to say I am really getting disheartened with the quality of writing, I have been churning out off late. They all just go over to display the state of mind I have been in all these days –confused,directionless,happy at times, most times unhappy.And one look at all those drafts was enough to stir my conscience and leave me more confused.

I am stunned that how I have changed from the chirpy self when I wrote long back , “Now all common things become uncommon and enchant me!  Everything is capable, with the greatest ease of being changed into anything... It is said, “Nothing is, but thinking makes it so!! “ It’s a magic journey. Every little thing around me gets noticed and admired. May be, it would have longed for this admiration all these days (he he). The tranquility upon the deep slumber, the orderly arrival of the stars, the calm assurance of the coming day all together attune my mind afresh to the world. It makes me prosaic. “  to the dull self who hardly can make a joyous note of all those significant & insignificant things.

 

Guess, life does that to people and no reasons not to hate it. Working has made me busy, mechanical ,insipid and stupid at times... Now don’t get me wrong- nothing to do with my job. I love it , and I have been enjoying it and it is equally rewarding. It is fun to learn new things, and equally fun for you know that the rare element called praise that comes your way in the process of achieving new things( I haven’t grown ! :P ) !

 

The qualms being self-doubting and feeling insignificant of what you do and think that you should have been in an industry where you manufacture X bolts and Y nuts in 8 hours.

At least you know what you do.

It is a wonderful professional journey so far, even though I wonder how I will make peace with the afore mentioned doubts of mine every night and day.

 

Life still seems to be a delusion , like living someone else’s and not mine.  Isn’t that a horrible wakeup call ? Before I grow old & cynical (sometimes, it is embarrassing to be so transparent), I wish to revive my innocence,my irresponsibleness, my curiosity pretty much on anything etc.

Wish I do that,sooner than I imagine.

Now,I decided to spend some good time,writing about all the insignificant but happier things that have been going on in my life.

 1.   Back to childhood :

Four months before, I have started reading excerpts & books on stories and characters of Mahabharata once again. And it is all an exciting journey ,that too when I have dad nearby to talk & share thoughts and equate all incidents / characteristics to the modern days too. Likely coincidence – Vijay TV has started airing a new serial and I don’t wish to miss it, even if it is irritating to hear the dialogues only in rhymes.

Also thought of writing a post on “What could have avoided the Mahabharata war ?”,but then me being a strong believer of destiny & God,concluded that it was HIS wish &was destined and writing otherwise may bring ill-luck.

2.   Metered Autos :

Chennai is incomplete without the Autos. I am one among those welcoming customers who express their joy through photos, tweets & status

updates that they go on metered autos and pay really half the price of what they used to. I was jumping out of joy when my first ride from Adyar to Tiruvanmiyur had cost me only Rs 33 , and that too the Autokarar gave me Rs 2 back !!! Haven’t imagined this scene even in dreams.  Needless to say, I simply say NO to those autos who ask ‘meter ku mela potu thaanga madam’ and ready to wait for a metered Auto. Sincere thanks to the Court and the Government and the Autokara makkal , who are following the meters.We no longer hear the abusive language early in the morning. Purse friendly too J .  

3.   Team lunches/ Outings:

a)  Movie + Lunch + Games : YAYA + Lunch @Fishermen’s Cove + Beach throw ball/whatever it is. You can understand how powerful the combo was. An absolutely absurd movie , when you can’t see the screen for a single scene and be just waiting to rush out through the doors.

Lunch was extravagant with all those desserts. The games on the sand with the sea in close quarters – a refreshing time indeed. Can ask for more of it!

b)  Lunch + Movie : Lunch @ Mainland China + Raja Rani. The Momos were good, each time I fancy them to be our extended form of Kozhukattais. AndI was reminded of Terramaseau, which was not served at all.

   Raja Rani – A typical tamil movie with flashbacks of their Xs of both the heroine and the hero, not my kind. Still could watch it once.

4.   Gift Ideas :

I am on a gifting spree. Rather ,I should say collecting gifts. A lost activity of mine. You know you are also creative when you get so many ideas on what can be done for gifts. Searching designs ,buying gifts which the receivers will like –the whole process adds some zing to life. And not to miss the smile on the faces –isn’t it ?

More than anything, now I am happy that my blog has got a new post!

Thus goes life with some simpler joys that can bring happiness for you momentarily .
Wishing with all earnestness that such joys be multiplied and good things be showered. Wish me well.

P.S :

Post Font : have tried a new font -Euphemia for the sheer fancy of the name. Was wondering how the fonts are named. Could see Karthika, Vijaya as font names !!  
Post Title :  Titled thus, because one another post cannot be named as absurd as Random ramblings/Random ride or What to name kinds. And now even this is not better.
Pics from google.

It is okay.

We make our decisions and then our decisions turn around and make us. – F.W . Boreham.

There resides the truth!  I have always been afraid of the uncertainty , anything that is unknown & cannot be controlled by me .
I have had taken strong decisions in the past, life turning/making decisions and I keep travelling the road ahead only to realize the road leads to nowhere.
What makes one decide ? Strengths , Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats. Typified that I am, I use a balance chart of all these, and draw a decision.

 

 

 

Most often, all the attributes getting classified into the afore mentioned groups typically depends on the individual’s personality and the situation.

 For eg ,now that our beloved CM had banned all forms of chewable tobacco on account of health/medical benefits. Had I been there, I would have banned to avoid the indecent spitting of tobacco and spoiling the roads/every space that is available. That is an aspect that affects me largely and occupies the top reason for the ban.

 

What seems as a strength to one may be a threat to the other.

When I look back and wonder, all my strengths had those emotional pointers in them.
I could only attribute it to the fear of  the unknown and the love of what is known & important to me at that point.

When I sit and ponder why I took all those decisions and remain a stupid failure on the eyes of the society, I am worried.  Nevertheless , the moves cannot be altered/ nor the reasons which forced those moves have become unimportant. They still remain important to me.Only that I am on the verge of losing the game called life.

However, as I always have been, irrespective of the state that I am as a person to the so called harsh eyes of the world ( peers , for that matter everyone around),  those ideals and values which framed me to what I am cannot lose the game.

Whether I am successful or not , depends on the means and not on the result.  After all, they are not anyone's decisions. All were mine and mine alone - That very thought can bring you unmatched happiness. What magnitude of ego is that, to have your life framed by your decisions. Can anything else be on par with that? So it is okay.
Some day, I will be better to the world too.

 

After all, you aid that Unseen force by making the right/ wrong moves.

My reach magnifies , recognizes how futile an exercise is to wrestle with what is destined already.

 

It is okay to be what I am.

VISHwaRooPAM

Alright. Inactive this space was. Had nothing to really write about.
Now it is not a review, I am not privileged to do a movie analysis , these are the thoughts that were /are revolving during my watch/post my watch of the movie.
And I am not a “Not a Kamal Fan” .For that matter, I love “Anbe Sivam, Vasool Raja MBBS, Unnal Mudiyum Thambi, Salangai Oli , Thevar Magan etc..

I thought even the movie Thuppaki, starring the amateur actor Vijay;) was better. Simple and had a seamless flow of thoughts. It did not talk about Hitler / nor showed complicated Kathak movements . Was plain and the purpose of the film was evident.

 

The Kathak dance alone can be made into a demonstration lesson for dancers – it was that long. Except for Shankar Mahadevan’s voice and the beautiful girls making graceful steps in the background, I did not enjoy “watching” the song. That doesn’t  mean , I fail to agree that Kamal is a great dancer. He is . Who can forget the classic scene , in which he casually throws off his slippers and spontaneously shows a demo of the different forms of dance in Salangai Oli .I am great fan of the scene.

The Jihadis being trained in the Al-Qaeda camps by itself is good for a documentary movie.
But How did he escape the Jihadi camp all of a sudden and land in the United States ?  Why was the effeminate Kathak dancer created , how did marrying Nirupama helped him in the role of a secret Agent ?

Wonder if Kamal was planning for a sequel to explain the disconnects and make the movie complete. May be , he would have planned a 5 hour movie and when editing for a 2.5 hour , a sequel would have been planned.

 

A RAW agent who has bugged Nirupama’s office end to end, however he goes to the Prayer House daily followed by the secret agent Nirupama sends- What logic ? 
FBI officials cracking jokes when there is a threat to the entire nation.  And they come without a nuclear specialist/expert , seeks some advice from a random lady just because she spat some chemical formulae to the nuclear elements. Sad. Better Screenplay required.

Talking about, Kadavul, Paapathiyamma all dialogues were only to satiate his ego and had no connections to the movie. Kamal Hasan has always propagating to be an atheist in all his movies and cracking silly jokes on the rituals , yet in this movie, he does his Dua and shows he is a God fearing Muslim. May be ,he bends to his own rules. It needs a ban, not for the Muslim brothers but for ridiculing God and criticizing our own Hindu identity. There is one other dialogue in the movie, “ We don’t crucify them, we dunk them in the sea” .If he doesn't believe in God , let him be. why stress that in every movie of his , does it not show an immaturity ?

Given the fact, that we Hindus are always submissive and call it religious tolerance or whatever stupidity that is. 

I agree that the censor board couldn’t actually determine if it was against Muslims/ not , but it definitely needed an A certificate for all the blood, thrown apart hands, bodies and other gory scenes.

Thanks to the Hullabaloo and the free publicity created by the Censor Board and the Government, otherwise the movie would have gone nowhere without making enough money.   

And we talk so much about a movie which was taken against Terrorism ,and we simply shut our eyes even when blasts happen right next to us. It is nothing but cowardice. What a sad day for us !

Prayers. Give strength to the families who lost precious lives.

Thoughts in thoughts

Where are those poems ?

She knows not what they really are
They faded without much a trace
Too feeble to mean..

Her eyes seem to search for a being unknown
Perhaps a person ;
She knows not whom to ask
Perhaps all are masked around,
Stretching out their boundaries
Each face keeps on bidding farewell.

No answer.
She has to unleash
But what ? And why ?
The destiny is all figured somewhere,
Superseding all hitches to soothing pleasures,
For some period in the life.

Echoes of her words floated aback
Through the empty years
To quench something that is lost : A supposed meaning.

Yet again

Words spring like dust,

They hold fragile thoughts together
Pain lingers
When you need an answer
From the eroding dune!
The moment dies in our hands!

 A woman seeking who she is,

What she has become to the world,
Lost in time…
Is that what I am ? 

I have again become empty

By undoing
A Disturbing thought..
Tender bruises on the pink heart
Undesirable and true..

Far may be the destination,

For peace of mind.
The need to fly
With wings of butterfly
Like a rocket to the space...
That is what I am.

 

Of nothing in particular

One foot on fantasy, one foot on reality, Life (err... my confusions) goes (go) on.

Whom do I blame now: All those random books and movies on which I spent my precious time? Of course they left me in a whole life of randomness forever.

You wish you could throw all the books out to the nowhere and remain an illiterate. You read Dale Carnegie and think you can conquer the whole world by influencing people, by bringing the leader in you etc etc.
You read Vivekananda/Bharathi for that matter and think you need not worry about others think of you, but remain strong in your opinion and true to you.
And now suddenly all that comes crashing around you when you realize how you were easily fooled and that you are a perfectly ordinary person and reality is all different and random.
And you are torn by your own ideals (stupid they are) and the real world!!

 Yes... The books that you had read and the movies you have watched multiple times, has a great contribution in making what you are now.

Or at least you find that you had a set of ideals by which you have lived – those random ideals built by you & yourself out of all those books & movies.

You read them and fantasize a whole world where everything seems to be perfectly the way you want it to be. You are the strong character around whom the whole world revolves.

And a world with all those characters you visualized in your books or the ones you meet in the movies.
So I wish anyone reading this post learns to live in the reality right from the beginning. Sharing the lesson for free which was learnt the hardest way? He he :) :)

 

Enough of that: On a completely random note, how some Brands are no longer names for us – instead substitute them as products themselves. Pure Desi style isn’t it?

“Am making Maggi  “ refers to am making noodles.

“Cornflakes for Breakfast” doesn’t sound great as “Kellog’s for breakfast.” And Jam is only Kissan Jam.

We soak our clothes in Surf and baby soap is not just baby soap, but Johnson’s baby soap always.
We drink Bisleri when we go out.

Few years back Suzuki referred to the bike and Maruti to the car.

 These brands have become so much to ourselves and have become Products on their own.  What took them here? A million dollar question – Of course the various books that the founders of these products and brand owners read have worked for them J

Where is it - the truth ?

Virtue has a matchless impulse
 
To achieve the truth &
The touch of the new horizon.
 

The tale seems long...

The clutches too strong. 
 
The truth and the fear 
Seems to pervade 
Every vacant space.

The cosmic smoke hides it hard,

And makes comic faces to mock!
Singeing failures
Despair whorls hope!

Is it laughter or a shout?

No one is around
& Silence is loud…

What is the truth?

And where does it lie?
There it is ...              

A drop of tear
That rolls across the cheeks,
Flowing free against the
Tornado of thoughts J !!

She let it flow like a rain …….

I AM -very much alive :)

The blog is inactive for a long time.., Mailboxes of friends are not spammed with random letters with no specific subject airing from all corners of the stupid/stupendous brain, much to the surprise of questioning friends if I have stopped writing for ever.

No... Not yet.

Sometimes, a long pause isn’t as necessary and as fruitful as we reason it to be. I have been going through quite a long slumber embracing the much despised laziness of my own self. Should I call it laziness or something else? Written and rewritten, modulated, edited, some thoughts can never put into words; some have to stay behind, puzzling the others which come out.  Making peace between what I think and what I write is always a bit of battle; in fact it is what had delayed my writing for this long.

It is not that, I have so much to say now. Or so less even. But that I wanted to proclaim my existence in this world, never mind even if no one has felt the absence of it or the presence of it.

For couple of days now, have been going through vigorous mental disturbances and that I wished my friends are nearer, nearer enough to sense my confusions without my authorization and take me out of it easily.

But then no matter, it is best to depend on the one person you are absolutely sure of … & yes it is me.  It is so funny to actually sense that I could be so choosy and sweeping all rationality aside in certain decisions. It seems ok to be completely yourself, and yes only as long as you are successful and get away with it.  

Very very rarely, we decide on our own...Mostly we build upon others’ ideas or crave for others’ opinions. But I realized that that shouldn’t stop us from giving our own twists to the tale J .Notwithstanding the fact that these twists might have been so unnecessary sometimes and leave the others piqued.

Haa..Was reading all those posts during my early years of blogging. What a journey of transformation, the way I was and the way I am? Is the chirpy self lost...? I could be wrong too.  

Thanks to all those lovely friends who support/ criticize / comment and have taken me a long way through now. Ahh! There cannot be a better acknowledgement to the fact that I am very much alive! J

Off to..

A thought ..
Airing with no direction …
A light feather ..
on the breeze …
A dew..
On the leaf…
Goes nowhere.. yet sensed !

Perhaps , off to somewhere ;)

More ways to say bye!

Days and moments fly by.
And time replaces anything /anyone. Yes, anything can be replaced, so will I.
For all the wrong/right reasons, I chose to take a newer path and end this endless journey of mine.After five long years with the same set of people/atmosphere, well , this is a decision made solely by me & my own self.

Those were unhinged days, heavy silences and endless rants, shared for years with people whose dresses I can recognize on a clothesline, the shape of whose faces and secret fantasies I know intuitively. I know these people blindly and I mean it.

But now, in a sharp zoom out, I see myself standing, my legs a little shaky, eyes wide in uneasiness , in a scene I did not see being set up. It is not ugly, no. It is in fact more alive than anything else. Will miss all those people.

One of the weird things about growing up is this incredible self confidence we acquire. I don’t care about being liked/being admired anymore, at least by people whom I myself don’t like/admire.

I am decluttering myself and moving on.
Declutter not just means to get away from some, but also cultivate deeper relationships with some. New faces, new traits, tiring first impressions… An unthinking revision of personal stories in a bid for fresh intimacies…I board on for a new journey.

Bye Bye.

Will miss you !

It is a decision by 'ME & MY SELF' to choose to move out .However,I will miss you:(, when I move out from here !

1 . My innovative baking attempts.
2 . The red feathered bird, the little sparrow, the tiny humming bird and ever photo- posing goose.
3. The rabbit which looks around for my calls :) in the dark night.
4. The green lawn that makes me romantic & philosphical alternatively, striking a balance for my self.
5. Respect for time.
6. My Balcony(the most), the breeze, the strong winds.
7. My evening walks to Elmwood Park.
8. Facebook updates ;), dont you know, I choose to be less active bk home.
9. Sub .. veggies... fresh fruits...
10.Icecreams in the middle of the night.
11.Long drives.
12.Kohls.. my weekend outlet.
13.Hershleys Kisses as and when I feel like :P
14.Leisure time to pursue my own interests.God,life of a s/w engr back home is pathetic.
15.Energetic and refreshing get togethers with awesome food ;)
16.Friends made here...
17.And lot of other people too;)
.
.
.
.

Will miss you :(!

Wed to break !?!

India’s Divorce rates have doubled recently. “The courts are now seeing so many new cases that the government has proposed making divorce easier and faster, in line with other countries. There’s been a 100% increase in divorce rates in the past five years alone." Read in an article.Are we supposed to be happy / proud of this achievement ? WTH !!!
Well , what to say and what not to?Basically, a post like this from an unmarried girl is totally irrelevant to the fact of understanding what goes wrong or what could have been right in the marriage. Still, I couldn’t just take it easily.

First of all ,who coined the words ‘arranged’ marriage and ‘love marriage’ ? I just hate for the very reason of them being in common usage !!!
Come on ! Is not every marriage arranged by people, whether they know each other before or not ? Should not the people getting married have to be ’in love’ after marriage?
Our basic fault is we are not always rightly taught and we go for aeons together with the same wrong lesson.

I was having a casual chat with my American colleague when he said ‘ My country is a disposable country, we dispose people & things if we don’t get along with them. However I am not so happy to say that. My father & grandfather just married once. I always teach my sons/daughters not to be like me. But we are a long way from the days we listened. Now your country is like what we were like in the 70’s. Soon it will become like this.’

Panicky! Such a dreadful plight to our Indian society ! I can’t imagine. Seems only very less people care about the pain and the trend it’s going to leave on us.

‘Take it easy’ attitude is all prevalent now. Actually to say , more in places where it’s not needed and less where it is.

People seem to be applying divorce for silly reasons which could have been ‘Take it easy’,instead they take ‘divorce’ easy.

One prime reason stated is ‘People are getting more individualistic / financially independent’ than ever.What a sorry state! Seems there is no good thing about educating women,if we end up breaking up just because we know we can earn even more than what our husbands can.My Dear sisterhood, do not call this individualism,Grow up ! I do not support male chauvinists neither do I support female activists, who say women can divorce /remarry any num of times to retain her individuality.

Yes, there are very genuine cases when divorce is the only choice.It is even more painful to live under the same roof with a person who you wish you had never met, when the pressure of our society to compulsively live together,and the cries of the hearts to live a better life make everyday an evil occurrence.

Take care,allow yourselves plenty of time.Time always works wonders in relationships. Smartness personified,are people before marriage, irrespective of whether you choose or your parents does for that matter. Set your expectations as minimum as possible.Respect each other's values. Allow the other person to be as he /she is. Well, its not a gyan session.I stop.We are all mature enough,its our responsibility to teach/leave good values to posterity.

Wed to win & not to break !

P.S My prev post on marriage:)
http://ladypearepages.blogspot.com/2007/07/epo-kalyanam-panna-poreenga-unga.html

???

I see him…
His eyes glint ,the derisive smile mocks me.

He seems to walk
With an intelligent aura around,
I ask him who he is ,

The answer ! He laughs out aloud…
I continue to look at him,
With mystery in my eyes.

He seems to overlook my awe
Sometimes, he seems not.

Where does it lie, the truth ?

In the shimmering light
Of his inner eyes?
I take refuge in them
For some time,
I get drowned in the eddy
Of its intensity .

He leaves his
Reflections in me.
I have so much to say him
But I don’t
Words limp
When they look at him.

Who is he ?!?
He doesn’t hear me though;)

FB & ME

I am a complete introvert , damn sure!And I can bet on that. There is a cocoon for myself from which I take really longer time to come out and talk to people. My first metamorphosis happened in college, when I had wonderful friends as roommates, who tamed me and taught me to move with people.
Well..further evolution has happened due to Facebook.

It is said , No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. No matter how fluctuating my mood and temper was, I logged in FB. My mood swings was controlled by some external factor called FB.

It all started when one of my friends said some nice words about FB and I signed up.
There were times when I wrote my status updates on my friend's wall. It was quite a learning and then it was fun.
Unlike Orkut, I did not add everyone who knew me/everyone who sent me a request. Reasons very simple, its quite a pain to follow too many people and dangerous to allow too many people to follow you ;).

Statistics,
Friends :164 Male :61% Female :39%
What do I see here? Does this reflect the decline of ratio of the number of female to male count in our census results ? May /May not be. Whatever, again the female community, atleast in S.India, is not so active in networking.Of these 164,around 70 of them are my collegemates, a few are schoolmates and the rest are from my workplace. I find very few number who dont fall into these categories.

Facebook has been my soulmate all these days , a good companion to kill my boredom.
Sometimes, I posted unruly irrelevant updates straight from the heart. The comments I received really took me to the right spot those times.Sometimes, I have got things done /questions answered.Sometimes, some updates were posted without any motif, however was understood by different people in too many different ways.Many, related the update to the personality of mine which they knew or to any incident involving him/her with me. Well.. Homosapien's brain, One Awesome discovery from HIM.

Unlike Orkut, I need not have to worry about my profile visit flag to be switched off when visiting others's profiles. Even if there is some app which finds out the number of profile visits, I damn care about it. Afterall, I have added people to know their updates :)
In it,again there is a classification. Some are people who posts mind blowing funny comments to others's posts. Some share nice videos /photos. Some share really nice thoughts.I am a huge fan of all these people and make sure that I visit their profiles often;).

FB has also shared lot of my personal space. When my father asked me for some photographs, I asked him to refer Facebook. He was like 'what the heck ?'.And he is yet to know about FB.Both me & him are on the safer side till he signs up. Otherwise,I am sure,he may criticize every post of mine.And also he will spend more time in writing/reading stuff than me and then I doubt he will get food at home:P .

And now, height of all, there are times when some posts made me take crucial decisions which changed/will change my life altogether. Everyone reading this will think I am so crazy if I say, one short film 'Dhruva Natachithram' , has made me decide to go back to my own place/ to my own country. I watched it so many times, ultimately I thought that, to live the life of an alien here, is the worst thing that has happened to me. Now this may be funny,many such decisions are made like this.

Good or bad, Zuckerburg has changed many lives...

I wish I completely scrap this profile , get a new one, where I am just a passive reader of all the status updates and remain mute.
It’s a harder decision and I do not know , when I am going to take that. Sooner , the better, says my mind whereas the fist sized organ refuses to agree.
Sometimes a touch of reticence works nice more than speaking minds to each other ;)

Whatever FB has an unbeaten monopoly in the networking industry ! It will take a few more years for people to come out of its spell, when someone else finds out a better one.

Puthandu Vaazhthukkal - Kara varudam.

Tamil New year/Puthandu marks the beginning of a new year in the traditional Tamil calendar which follows the vernal equinox. ( for more details, read http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vernal_equinox ) .
The mavillai thoranam in the entrance of my home and the neem tree in full bloom,maakolam on the verandah, all is a beautiful sight.
This day has lot of traditional significance.And there is a controversy created by the ruling Govt in Tamilnadu . I dont mind it either. I cant leave off my tradition, whoever says. Dont panic.. this post is not about that.
The food served on this day in my home and in most of the homes in my native is almost a ritual in its own right.One may be used to the table culture, but I bet, the sit-down lunch is not to be missed.
The banana leaf is laid out horizontally with the tapering end to the right, always! So many times, I do the other way round and get a frown from the elderly people sitting. So I generally sit along with my father so that I need not serve or get a frown.
The first touch to it is from water sprinkles – to moisten the leaf and clean it. The first position to occupy the leaf is by the auspicious sweet pudding, payasam, not much, just a drop off a teaspoon, sort of a ritual to indicate sweet beginnings.
Then starts the light service of vegetables, kootu, followed by the lightly finely chopped and sautéed vegetable of the day,the curry or poriyal, then a little fried vegetables varuval.All these are laid out on the top portion of the leaf.
Forget not the salt. It occupies the corner and seemingly, it means you should not forget the host who gives you food. And then the boiled lentils (paruppu), placed in the off-centre position of the leaf, with little ghee in it.
My mom makes this,‘black gram’salty doughnut – medhuvadai, and it is her speciality for all festive occasions. She places an extra number to me. No meal is considered fit to eat unless the sizzling pickles are served – the mango pickle mostly. Appalam or fried vadams enter then.
Rice is served, and the toor dhall,drumstick sambar. And the next round comes the universal tangy soup Milagutwany or Rasam. This day, its little bitter too, after adding the tender neem flowers, it is supposed to be taken,’the vepamboo rasam’. As said, it means that you will have some bitter days too.
Then there is the sweet paal payasam in regular quantity now. After that’s done, the authentic curd rice …with mango pickle.
Oh, I forgot to mention the mango pachadi, right at the onset of the mango season , comes this festival. Little sour / sweet… its YUM YUM YUMMY
Such meals are always good,not just good!Awesome !!!! …and never ever miss them if you get a chance to have. Today the nuni illai bhojanam has reduced to kesari/ sundal in ceramic cups.
And in all these years, this is the first time, I am not at home for the Tamil new year and missing this feast too.. And everyone at home will be missing me too.


Wish you all a very Happy Thamizh New Year / Happy Vishu :) God bless all of us. Wishes & Prayers.

Singara Chennai

Sometimes, we have to get away and look at the world through a different lens. It throws new light on the same old place.

Moving from a smaller city Trichy, to a metropolitan Chennai ,I am also one among those who complain about the scorching sun and the irritating local lingo of the auto/bus drivers. Trichy/Thanjavur & nearby areas are places where there is no specific accent to Thamizh. Basically , being a person who loves languages & who likes persons based on how it takes form in him/her,I hated Madras for that matter. Even now, I couldn't tolerate watching a comedy rendered in Madras Tamil.

Despite all that, today, I knew how much I miss the place and how much I love the 'Madras' city. The city is full of activity. We do not need an agenda to spend a weekend here.

Adyar Odyssey, the basement has a wide collection of books and the first floor , new DVDs and greeting cards. A walk to there is really fruitful.

Books on any subject/ old magazines/ story books/novels all in one place, and that is Moor market.

Sowcarpet-a place where I do my shopping. We get all those so called designer outfit for a lesser price compared to the showrooms.And dont forget to grab some fresh vegetables/fruits from there. The Badam Kheer and Pav Bhaji in shops are just awesome.

Any new movie ,if a must watch on the first week end of its release, I go to Mayajaal. Otherwise, it can be watched in Satyam, when I could book a ticket.

When I am troubled, I just have to take a walk/jog to the sea and its enough to send some tranquility in me. Sometimes, I have wandered around unfamiliar parts of the neighbourhood, walking around looking at the big houses and the small shops. At times, I do get lost somewhere in the dark bushy streets and struggle to get out to the streets with people, but then its really adventurous later , when I think of them.

Although the city boasts of the rich South Indian heritage, it is of diverse cultures and each nourishes within its boundaries. Being a cosmopolitan and the state capital , the city has people from all states. I do not know if I like it or not. Still, I wish we hold on to our S.Indian culture to some extent. Oops .. Regionalism.I stop,its not my intent.

Margazhi Utsavam in the months of December and January foster your sense to the wonderful art called classical music. Women in rich Pattu sarees , and the jasmine flowers adorning their heads , is a rich sight by itself. I can just walk to any nearby temple or a hall and spend three hours of solid quality time there.

There is something about food that brings out the best and worst in all of us . Being a major requisite for survival, availability of good food is a must. One may turn erratic if good food is denied. The number of eat outs in Chennai is plenty.Only that it has become too costly nowadays. The authentic food of South -steaming dosa ,Vada in any restaurant, Curd rice in Al Pranavam , Adai Aviyal in Krishna Sweets , Pakoda kolambu in Karaikkudi,bhajji on the beach road near RTO, Kuli paniyaram near Besant nagar Konica, Aavin Kulfi, Fruzee near Naihaa , Naturals Icecream...I can list so many.... all these are easily accessible by walk to me.

Life without temples is unimaginable in Tamilnadu.Whichever way we look at it, atheists too turn God fearing in times of adversity.

Adyar Padmanabhaswamy, the Lord sleeps so peacefully , one good look at Him, well I am transported to Srirangam. The deity looks very similar in the magnificence and beauty.

Marundheeswarar temple - What more to say, He is the panacea for all troubles. The whole place is so calm and peaceful.

Other places I visit in Chennai are Mylapore and Triplicane.These are the places that remind me that I am still in Chennai, & our own S.Indian Chennai.

Above everything, I miss my roommates. . Everyday,there were people to wait for me to have dinner. All the pressure at work/anywhere just vanishes when you know that you have good people around and they wait for you to dine with :) Its not so easy to find good people everywhere, you have to be destined to meet them. Again,'good' is a relative term.And make sure you grab the oppurtunity if you are destined, not often you get a chance:)

Do not know why I post this link here.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dz4dkh_08hY&sns=fb I watch this almost daily nowadays. And everyone living abroad will know what this means. And am sure, home beckons everyone who can relate to the emotions of this short film.

I miss you Madras ...I miss you Singara Chennai... May be I will write about Omaha after I leave from here. That is the irony in life. We never know the worth of anything, unless we no longer possess it.

To make history-never easy !

All is said , written, read, emoted by billions of my own clan across the world. I am really wordless, when it comes to express the joy /happiness for having made this remarkable feat in history. Still, thought of congratulating the Team in my blog.

No matter, I am alive /dead to talk about the victory/ success stories to my post generation,

this post will tell them that I was well alive when my country lifted the World Cup in style.

Every young player, in the team , dedicates the victory to the Little Master. He deserves this respect. I still remember , the advertisement for Boost in which he says, 'When I was 16...' , from then on, it is history. Sure, he would have been the role model to many in the team now, when they had begun their career. And no doubt, he will be an Idol to the young cricketers of many generations to come.

Cricket & me , its a story. For now , I dont talk about it. This world cup series , I take a lot of lessons from the team.

Call it arrogance or confidence or being emotionless, or being aggressive, I like / love Dhoni for that single quality. Nothing else is really required for someone to look upon him. Commentators say enough of him during the course of the game. 'This man is an enigma sometimes. Noone really could read him at times.' I would say, it is needed for a captain of 1.2 billion hearts, to be cool, to be strong and to be decisive. This man, can be watched both for virtues & style.

Saw someone update today, ‘Have they won a war or something ? Why do they need First Class A/C passes for a lifetime.?’

People ! C’mon..it’s easy to talk/ throw comments. But it isn’t easy to make history. It is harder than we think it to be.

The pressure within/the pressure outside that is experienced for every game, it is not easy Boss. Every game is a war inside every player. He has to excel, he has to break his own records. It’s just immense. I can’t even imagine of surviving getting past that anxiety.

The captain said, "If you ask the players, they were not eating well because of anxiety. Not pressure, but anxiety. There would be food in front of you but you wouldn't feel like eating it." Anxiety quivers in the air and exhaustion weighs it down. Players are human beings too. As Mr Cool said,They don't play for the crowd that criticizes. They play for the country.

One has to be mature enough , in fact , has to be more than a human being. The billions, they earn ... worth the pressure they handle for every game. Lets think for a moment before we talk.Lets respect the victory.

And after so much praise for the entire team, I may include one another person in my list, and he is Ravi Shastri. When many cannot stand his commentary, his repetitive phrases, I like this man for some reason. Period.

Of all the posts that I updated in FB on that day, I like this particularly, 'If someone asks me , which is the religion in India, I will proudly say, Cricket is my religion and my country's ' I really mean it, and every Indian out anywhere knows what it means.

It is a night , when almost millions had their eyes moist ! The tears of joy are worth it. Thanks to the team ! To Team India ! To my;) Captain !! And to my Country ! I do not really know , what else to say, It is never easy to make history and our boys in blue had made it ! Hats off !

Sleep - A distant dream

Statutory warning : Consider yourself sufficiently warned , if you do not like rants of obsolete and absolute nonsensical whims , composed in the night of delirious dreams , this is not your kind. Avoid reading.

On most days, at close to 12 in the night, my eyes look red and tired and I most likely switch off my monitor and lights to go to sleep . I usually start with the thinking on the finish line of the day , most safely in terms of hours rather than in tasks. And every single hour seems to have passed just like that . When every single minute of my sleep is wasted thinking about the every 'not worth passed hour', I switch on my iPod to play a list of melodies of different times. I always have this habit of sleeping while the music is still on.May be, I am so used to the lullabies of my mother & grandmother ,all home grown , top notch singing of those days.

And then, all too soon, the spell is broken.I keep going into the lyric of the song and keep thinking.I think not to think of the words used in the song and the meaning of them that is yet to be found in my life.

Along the perimeter of the room, I search in the dark for the meaning of all those unsung melodies in life , answers for all my unanswered questions in life and try to untangle all the complexities of the characterization of my own self.

In between, the fan in the room tiptoes rhythmically , but all throughout , the music from the Apple device rules.

The flickering light from the lamps across the streets enters the room through the curtains that mildly dance to the air from the fan. A glass of water looks heavenly beautiful in that light.I sip a mouthful of water and then take a look through the window.

Many moons ago, when cellphones and iPods were a rarity, when people spoke in full sentences ,when people wrote letters to each other , when people walked being themselves rather than thickets of labels as today, I was enjoying the moonlight dinner with my family. Another time, another place, I wish I get those days back.

Meantime, I check the FB page , and yes, I could see some people still awake and sharing links. I read them/see them at that unearthly hour and like it / post a comment.

Wild doubts bubble up,puncturing the sanctity and the sanity of the moment and the lyricist of the song that currently plays.On any other day,I would have appreciated , cherished, admired with awe the beauty of the lines written...Hmm.

I am a simple person, my demands are few, needs are uncomplicated , my pleasures humble and plain.I am a careful and intent listener (if and only if I like the person & the subject), inserting a pertinent question or two to keep the narration going, nothing else really mattering. And for me, life is a beautiful painting, the best colors yet to be seen, life is a well written poem,the best words are yet to come though.

Yet , most times , I am perceived as the most complicated person and likes.Never mind, every person has every right to have an opinion. As long as it is not voiced against me/my wishes , I am happy, atleast he/she has an opinion about something in life.

Yet another night passes on... without sleep ..I remain awake for two more hours and sleep to the tune of some song at an unknown hour.

Since when I stepped out of my home in my early 17th year to a hostel, it has been the same. My bedtime early at twelve in the midnight just remains to be a distant prospect.

The day dawns wet and cold, with a sharp wind and not so ended dream ... my eyes, still yearning for some more sleep.........