Statutory warning : Consider yourself sufficiently warned , if you do not like rants of obsolete and absolute nonsensical whims , composed in the night of delirious dreams , this is not your kind. Avoid reading.
On most days, at close to 12 in the night, my eyes look red and tired and I most likely switch off my monitor and lights to go to sleep . I usually start with the thinking on the finish line of the day , most safely in terms of hours rather than in tasks. And every single hour seems to have passed just like that . When every single minute of my sleep is wasted thinking about the every 'not worth passed hour', I switch on my iPod to play a list of melodies of different times. I always have this habit of sleeping while the music is still on.May be, I am so used to the lullabies of my mother & grandmother ,all home grown , top notch singing of those days.
And then, all too soon, the spell is broken.I keep going into the lyric of the song and keep thinking.I think not to think of the words used in the song and the meaning of them that is yet to be found in my life.
Along the perimeter of the room, I search in the dark for the meaning of all those unsung melodies in life , answers for all my unanswered questions in life and try to untangle all the complexities of the characterization of my own self.
In between, the fan in the room tiptoes rhythmically , but all throughout , the music from the Apple device rules.
The flickering light from the lamps across the streets enters the room through the curtains that mildly dance to the air from the fan. A glass of water looks heavenly beautiful in that light.I sip a mouthful of water and then take a look through the window.
Many moons ago, when cellphones and iPods were a rarity, when people spoke in full sentences ,when people wrote letters to each other , when people walked being themselves rather than thickets of labels as today, I was enjoying the moonlight dinner with my family. Another time, another place, I wish I get those days back.
Meantime, I check the FB page , and yes, I could see some people still awake and sharing links. I read them/see them at that unearthly hour and like it / post a comment.
Wild doubts bubble up,puncturing the sanctity and the sanity of the moment and the lyricist of the song that currently plays.On any other day,I would have appreciated , cherished, admired with awe the beauty of the lines written...Hmm.
I am a simple person, my demands are few, needs are uncomplicated , my pleasures humble and plain.I am a careful and intent listener (if and only if I like the person & the subject), inserting a pertinent question or two to keep the narration going, nothing else really mattering. And for me, life is a beautiful painting, the best colors yet to be seen, life is a well written poem,the best words are yet to come though.
Yet , most times , I am perceived as the most complicated person and likes.Never mind, every person has every right to have an opinion. As long as it is not voiced against me/my wishes , I am happy, atleast he/she has an opinion about something in life.
Yet another night passes on... without sleep ..I remain awake for two more hours and sleep to the tune of some song at an unknown hour.
Since when I stepped out of my home in my early 17th year to a hostel, it has been the same. My bedtime early at twelve in the midnight just remains to be a distant prospect.
The day dawns wet and cold, with a sharp wind and not so ended dream ... my eyes, still yearning for some more sleep.........
No comments:
Post a Comment