Sleep - A distant dream

Statutory warning : Consider yourself sufficiently warned , if you do not like rants of obsolete and absolute nonsensical whims , composed in the night of delirious dreams , this is not your kind. Avoid reading.

On most days, at close to 12 in the night, my eyes look red and tired and I most likely switch off my monitor and lights to go to sleep . I usually start with the thinking on the finish line of the day , most safely in terms of hours rather than in tasks. And every single hour seems to have passed just like that . When every single minute of my sleep is wasted thinking about the every 'not worth passed hour', I switch on my iPod to play a list of melodies of different times. I always have this habit of sleeping while the music is still on.May be, I am so used to the lullabies of my mother & grandmother ,all home grown , top notch singing of those days.

And then, all too soon, the spell is broken.I keep going into the lyric of the song and keep thinking.I think not to think of the words used in the song and the meaning of them that is yet to be found in my life.

Along the perimeter of the room, I search in the dark for the meaning of all those unsung melodies in life , answers for all my unanswered questions in life and try to untangle all the complexities of the characterization of my own self.

In between, the fan in the room tiptoes rhythmically , but all throughout , the music from the Apple device rules.

The flickering light from the lamps across the streets enters the room through the curtains that mildly dance to the air from the fan. A glass of water looks heavenly beautiful in that light.I sip a mouthful of water and then take a look through the window.

Many moons ago, when cellphones and iPods were a rarity, when people spoke in full sentences ,when people wrote letters to each other , when people walked being themselves rather than thickets of labels as today, I was enjoying the moonlight dinner with my family. Another time, another place, I wish I get those days back.

Meantime, I check the FB page , and yes, I could see some people still awake and sharing links. I read them/see them at that unearthly hour and like it / post a comment.

Wild doubts bubble up,puncturing the sanctity and the sanity of the moment and the lyricist of the song that currently plays.On any other day,I would have appreciated , cherished, admired with awe the beauty of the lines written...Hmm.

I am a simple person, my demands are few, needs are uncomplicated , my pleasures humble and plain.I am a careful and intent listener (if and only if I like the person & the subject), inserting a pertinent question or two to keep the narration going, nothing else really mattering. And for me, life is a beautiful painting, the best colors yet to be seen, life is a well written poem,the best words are yet to come though.

Yet , most times , I am perceived as the most complicated person and likes.Never mind, every person has every right to have an opinion. As long as it is not voiced against me/my wishes , I am happy, atleast he/she has an opinion about something in life.

Yet another night passes on... without sleep ..I remain awake for two more hours and sleep to the tune of some song at an unknown hour.

Since when I stepped out of my home in my early 17th year to a hostel, it has been the same. My bedtime early at twelve in the midnight just remains to be a distant prospect.

The day dawns wet and cold, with a sharp wind and not so ended dream ... my eyes, still yearning for some more sleep.........

P.S Cooking is NOT my hobby.

For all those , who think/ask that I like cooking after seeing the pictures that I post in FB, you are wrong. I seriously dont have any passion for cooking. I do it just as any other usual chore. As any other essential way for survival. As any other exercise you learn to keep you fit.

Check out my prev post on cooking here , http://ladypearepages.blogspot.com/2007/08/cuking-funda.html

For all the wrong/right reasons, I do not like to say that 'I like cooking/ I do yummy dishes.'

Not that I dont go to kitchen at all.I do, but out of compulsion.. compulsion of my taste buds and the acid secreted in my intestines.

Women and Cooking are inseparable, thats what most men think and expect. Hold on guys! Its not just women have the stomachs that get hungry. Good that nowadays, men too get to know to cook. Thats a welcoming change. And let the mindset of associating women to cooking too change.

Afterall, cooking needs creativity/intelligence too. Anything short/ in excess may take the food straight to the bins. Having said that, Guys who say it is the responsibility of the woman to take care of the kitchen lack intelligence I suppose. Ok, this post turns out to be Men Vs women. No, thats not the objective though.

Cooking is not my hobby , not my passion. This post is all about that. I cook to eat / to keep me healthy to pursue various other tasks. It is out of sheer necessity that I cook. Having been used to the typical South Indian Vegeterian food, I cannot really get myself accustomed to the Mexican/Greek/American/Chinese food here. Its a herculean task for me to order a dish , spotting the ingredients out , knowing what sauce / spice level it has , and finally making the bearer understand what I need. So I choose to cook for myself. And I do it with the interest required enough for the dish to taste good.

And as the groom search at home is in progress, the prospective groom will not like this post / will not like me not having cooking as my passion/ will not like me saying that guys should also cook. Never mind. This is what I am. If he could not tolerate it, well, this is a check for him. 'Think before you leap please !'

P.S. Cooking is not my hobby. I have lot other activities I like / love other than cooking. Let him not expect to serve him bajjis and bondas when he enjoys a cricket match on TV. I like cricket as any other guy in the world .

Strange !!

I am far away from home , in solitude in a strange land. Really couldn't reason this move of mine.
As a friend said in her blog recently http://excusesbegone.blogspot.com/2011/03/bhaja-govindam.html, All things are preordained in life. There may / may not be a reason at all.We cannot control or feel responsible for anything that happens or doesnt.
Still life has to go on and it goes on for me too. It remains a mystery to me . And it is Strange ........
Winter is gloomy and depressing, that too if you live in a country , which claims to see the four seasons, it really is! All these days, this has been the way of life for me, my mood tends to swing to the extremes without any tangible reason. The row of trees that stood huge with only the blackish brown trunks and twigs , dried up grass , bushes yearning for sunlight ...all together was a painful sight. It reminded me the voids of life , which remain unfilled. As many times, I sensed that emptiness I felt sick and was lost nowhere.
Season changes... yes, I welcome it more than anybody else. Little sunshine in my murky path !
And today , the sight out was beautiful than ever. There was mild snow without wind and every tree and little twig was adorned beautifully with the white flowers of snow. When I was young , I used to choose those Christmas cards, which had this potrait ,that I saw today. Those times, I used to wonder, how creative is the human brain, never knowing that it was yet another creation of the Supreme , which gets portrayed in the post cards. I did not capture, today's potrait in my camera, still it got etched in my memory. That moment I had only one thing to say , 'Thy flowers are the most beautiful and I bow to you , Dont make the trees bare and undressed , they look fierce and dull.' Strange... Strange are the ways of Nature.
I am okay most times. Sometimes not. With some crankiness at times ,yet terrifically human , people forgive my snappishness and crudity. I feel blessed that they still can see the good in me and that I have such good people in my life. Also, sometimes , people do understand that it is what that makes us all too human and recognize that sometimes we are like that.
The ways of people and the ways of me.... They are Strange .........!!!
She waits , without caring, without any profit/loss , without any abuse/praise , without any credit / debt, without any expectations for him. She nests his shadow in her eyes , she rests her dreams in the shadow ....
A stranger he is /he remains a stranger.....
And that is absolutely STRANGE !!!

All i want to be .... is

I was just wondering why this blog is inactive for so long , not that i did not have time. Just that i did not find a mood pleasant enough to do so. Now that, I wanted to create a pleasant mood even if i dont have the luxury of having.
So i decided to list all the pleasant things without any particular order ....

1. Freedom of thought and speech.
2. Money enough for personal needs.
3. Good clothes that fit.
4. Not having to answer anyone.
5. Music wafting around in the background.
6. Talking to Appa and Amma without any disturbance.
7. Inviting friends over to share a meal and hear them talk.
8. And they are friends who dont operate on purpose.
9. Watching movies of different languages.
10. Stocking the fridge with chocolates and fresh vegetables.
11. Endless chats on varied subjects.
12. Reading books and having them lying around the bed/house.
13. Long walks without any motive.
14. Private personal space. ( this is more imp, and my blog gets updated when i get this.)
15. Experimenting with my Canon powershot.
16. Writing/scribbling something anywhere/anytime.
17. Moments of silence , gazing at the sky, looking at the trees, birds, plants.
18. Reading 'The Hindu' with hot tea.
19. Laughters that bring tears in my eyes.

The list is so long and it seems endless ;) Wow... so many can make my mood pleasant.But then , for quite sometime now, i havent been getting enough personal space/time . All i want to be is ME, but hardly people around give me that privilege. Its really unpleasant. Hope it changes soon.

Godavari- A soft breeze !

Godavari, this movie was in my queue for a long time now ! I wish i had watched it earlier..Its so fresh and refreshing!

The pace in which the film moves is as gentle and soft as the boat moves across the waves of Godavari.
The flow has to be complimented with a soft music, which is beautifully done. The background score gells so soothing to the scenes that you are taken to the mood of the film so easily.

Coming to the story, its about a US returned engineer Sriram, who is inclined towards doing good to the soceity than to take the role of a conventional money maker .He is in love with Raaji , who gets engaged to Ravi . He tries to convince Raaji's father, but in vain. Hes very much afflicted to power, fame and money and thinks Sriram could never get on well with any of these. Seetha runs a dessigner store , but her family wants her to settle down .She refuses and likes to be an independent woman rather than bowing down to a man.Marriage is a nightmare for her.
All the characters end up taking a trip on the Godavari river. The heart broken Sriram and the stubborn Seetha happen to meet and there the story turns an epic ;) ...Raaji learns that her fiancee is a
selfish brat .. Will Ram & Seetha tie the knot or will Ram end up with Raaji is the rest of the story.

Seetha Mahalakshmi - I think she shined in all the scenes ! She has the right amount of vivacity the character demands and gutsy enough to stand her ground. Shes stunning towards the end when she displays maturity in working through her conflicts and sorting out her emotions.
I liked her and u know why :p !

Sriram : Hes awesome and one of the coolest guys we will ever meet. Hes so focussed on not turning a money making machine. He expresses himself with a controlled flamboyance, with slight expressions. Hes a pleasure to watch when he conveys his fondness for his cousin Raaji and the way he handles Sita's talks.

They both make a cute pair. :):):):):)

Raaji - She s so confused till the end of the film.yet she stood her own character.

The camera is just awesome... the steamboat , the Godavari river, the hills alongside it are captured so beautifully, it made me decide to take the trip once in lifetime.

At times, highly philosophical dialogues were delivered with so much ease by Chinna and the two animated dogs. It strikes a chord and leaves you wonder.

Music is just amazing! The violin hits the high and low notes as required , with the drum beats on a low note just makes it so good to handle the emotions exceptionally well.

The lyricist needs a special mention. Its full of life and so classical. Had i known the language better, i would have quoted some here.

Loved these songs ! They keep playing in my laptop for the nth time. I couldnt resist.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHQelDB2LUM&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NvNVvuWkqY&feature=related

And this scene, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzW5mOnjICQ&feature=related


Its a feel good one, simple, classy, no melodrama, after a long time, i m happy watching this movie ! :)

I vouch, you will like it :)