Wed to break !?!

India’s Divorce rates have doubled recently. “The courts are now seeing so many new cases that the government has proposed making divorce easier and faster, in line with other countries. There’s been a 100% increase in divorce rates in the past five years alone." Read in an article.Are we supposed to be happy / proud of this achievement ? WTH !!!
Well , what to say and what not to?Basically, a post like this from an unmarried girl is totally irrelevant to the fact of understanding what goes wrong or what could have been right in the marriage. Still, I couldn’t just take it easily.

First of all ,who coined the words ‘arranged’ marriage and ‘love marriage’ ? I just hate for the very reason of them being in common usage !!!
Come on ! Is not every marriage arranged by people, whether they know each other before or not ? Should not the people getting married have to be ’in love’ after marriage?
Our basic fault is we are not always rightly taught and we go for aeons together with the same wrong lesson.

I was having a casual chat with my American colleague when he said ‘ My country is a disposable country, we dispose people & things if we don’t get along with them. However I am not so happy to say that. My father & grandfather just married once. I always teach my sons/daughters not to be like me. But we are a long way from the days we listened. Now your country is like what we were like in the 70’s. Soon it will become like this.’

Panicky! Such a dreadful plight to our Indian society ! I can’t imagine. Seems only very less people care about the pain and the trend it’s going to leave on us.

‘Take it easy’ attitude is all prevalent now. Actually to say , more in places where it’s not needed and less where it is.

People seem to be applying divorce for silly reasons which could have been ‘Take it easy’,instead they take ‘divorce’ easy.

One prime reason stated is ‘People are getting more individualistic / financially independent’ than ever.What a sorry state! Seems there is no good thing about educating women,if we end up breaking up just because we know we can earn even more than what our husbands can.My Dear sisterhood, do not call this individualism,Grow up ! I do not support male chauvinists neither do I support female activists, who say women can divorce /remarry any num of times to retain her individuality.

Yes, there are very genuine cases when divorce is the only choice.It is even more painful to live under the same roof with a person who you wish you had never met, when the pressure of our society to compulsively live together,and the cries of the hearts to live a better life make everyday an evil occurrence.

Take care,allow yourselves plenty of time.Time always works wonders in relationships. Smartness personified,are people before marriage, irrespective of whether you choose or your parents does for that matter. Set your expectations as minimum as possible.Respect each other's values. Allow the other person to be as he /she is. Well, its not a gyan session.I stop.We are all mature enough,its our responsibility to teach/leave good values to posterity.

Wed to win & not to break !

P.S My prev post on marriage:)
http://ladypearepages.blogspot.com/2007/07/epo-kalyanam-panna-poreenga-unga.html

???

I see him…
His eyes glint ,the derisive smile mocks me.

He seems to walk
With an intelligent aura around,
I ask him who he is ,

The answer ! He laughs out aloud…
I continue to look at him,
With mystery in my eyes.

He seems to overlook my awe
Sometimes, he seems not.

Where does it lie, the truth ?

In the shimmering light
Of his inner eyes?
I take refuge in them
For some time,
I get drowned in the eddy
Of its intensity .

He leaves his
Reflections in me.
I have so much to say him
But I don’t
Words limp
When they look at him.

Who is he ?!?
He doesn’t hear me though;)

FB & ME

I am a complete introvert , damn sure!And I can bet on that. There is a cocoon for myself from which I take really longer time to come out and talk to people. My first metamorphosis happened in college, when I had wonderful friends as roommates, who tamed me and taught me to move with people.
Well..further evolution has happened due to Facebook.

It is said , No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. No matter how fluctuating my mood and temper was, I logged in FB. My mood swings was controlled by some external factor called FB.

It all started when one of my friends said some nice words about FB and I signed up.
There were times when I wrote my status updates on my friend's wall. It was quite a learning and then it was fun.
Unlike Orkut, I did not add everyone who knew me/everyone who sent me a request. Reasons very simple, its quite a pain to follow too many people and dangerous to allow too many people to follow you ;).

Statistics,
Friends :164 Male :61% Female :39%
What do I see here? Does this reflect the decline of ratio of the number of female to male count in our census results ? May /May not be. Whatever, again the female community, atleast in S.India, is not so active in networking.Of these 164,around 70 of them are my collegemates, a few are schoolmates and the rest are from my workplace. I find very few number who dont fall into these categories.

Facebook has been my soulmate all these days , a good companion to kill my boredom.
Sometimes, I posted unruly irrelevant updates straight from the heart. The comments I received really took me to the right spot those times.Sometimes, I have got things done /questions answered.Sometimes, some updates were posted without any motif, however was understood by different people in too many different ways.Many, related the update to the personality of mine which they knew or to any incident involving him/her with me. Well.. Homosapien's brain, One Awesome discovery from HIM.

Unlike Orkut, I need not have to worry about my profile visit flag to be switched off when visiting others's profiles. Even if there is some app which finds out the number of profile visits, I damn care about it. Afterall, I have added people to know their updates :)
In it,again there is a classification. Some are people who posts mind blowing funny comments to others's posts. Some share nice videos /photos. Some share really nice thoughts.I am a huge fan of all these people and make sure that I visit their profiles often;).

FB has also shared lot of my personal space. When my father asked me for some photographs, I asked him to refer Facebook. He was like 'what the heck ?'.And he is yet to know about FB.Both me & him are on the safer side till he signs up. Otherwise,I am sure,he may criticize every post of mine.And also he will spend more time in writing/reading stuff than me and then I doubt he will get food at home:P .

And now, height of all, there are times when some posts made me take crucial decisions which changed/will change my life altogether. Everyone reading this will think I am so crazy if I say, one short film 'Dhruva Natachithram' , has made me decide to go back to my own place/ to my own country. I watched it so many times, ultimately I thought that, to live the life of an alien here, is the worst thing that has happened to me. Now this may be funny,many such decisions are made like this.

Good or bad, Zuckerburg has changed many lives...

I wish I completely scrap this profile , get a new one, where I am just a passive reader of all the status updates and remain mute.
It’s a harder decision and I do not know , when I am going to take that. Sooner , the better, says my mind whereas the fist sized organ refuses to agree.
Sometimes a touch of reticence works nice more than speaking minds to each other ;)

Whatever FB has an unbeaten monopoly in the networking industry ! It will take a few more years for people to come out of its spell, when someone else finds out a better one.

Puthandu Vaazhthukkal - Kara varudam.

Tamil New year/Puthandu marks the beginning of a new year in the traditional Tamil calendar which follows the vernal equinox. ( for more details, read http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vernal_equinox ) .
The mavillai thoranam in the entrance of my home and the neem tree in full bloom,maakolam on the verandah, all is a beautiful sight.
This day has lot of traditional significance.And there is a controversy created by the ruling Govt in Tamilnadu . I dont mind it either. I cant leave off my tradition, whoever says. Dont panic.. this post is not about that.
The food served on this day in my home and in most of the homes in my native is almost a ritual in its own right.One may be used to the table culture, but I bet, the sit-down lunch is not to be missed.
The banana leaf is laid out horizontally with the tapering end to the right, always! So many times, I do the other way round and get a frown from the elderly people sitting. So I generally sit along with my father so that I need not serve or get a frown.
The first touch to it is from water sprinkles – to moisten the leaf and clean it. The first position to occupy the leaf is by the auspicious sweet pudding, payasam, not much, just a drop off a teaspoon, sort of a ritual to indicate sweet beginnings.
Then starts the light service of vegetables, kootu, followed by the lightly finely chopped and sautéed vegetable of the day,the curry or poriyal, then a little fried vegetables varuval.All these are laid out on the top portion of the leaf.
Forget not the salt. It occupies the corner and seemingly, it means you should not forget the host who gives you food. And then the boiled lentils (paruppu), placed in the off-centre position of the leaf, with little ghee in it.
My mom makes this,‘black gram’salty doughnut – medhuvadai, and it is her speciality for all festive occasions. She places an extra number to me. No meal is considered fit to eat unless the sizzling pickles are served – the mango pickle mostly. Appalam or fried vadams enter then.
Rice is served, and the toor dhall,drumstick sambar. And the next round comes the universal tangy soup Milagutwany or Rasam. This day, its little bitter too, after adding the tender neem flowers, it is supposed to be taken,’the vepamboo rasam’. As said, it means that you will have some bitter days too.
Then there is the sweet paal payasam in regular quantity now. After that’s done, the authentic curd rice …with mango pickle.
Oh, I forgot to mention the mango pachadi, right at the onset of the mango season , comes this festival. Little sour / sweet… its YUM YUM YUMMY
Such meals are always good,not just good!Awesome !!!! …and never ever miss them if you get a chance to have. Today the nuni illai bhojanam has reduced to kesari/ sundal in ceramic cups.
And in all these years, this is the first time, I am not at home for the Tamil new year and missing this feast too.. And everyone at home will be missing me too.


Wish you all a very Happy Thamizh New Year / Happy Vishu :) God bless all of us. Wishes & Prayers.

Singara Chennai

Sometimes, we have to get away and look at the world through a different lens. It throws new light on the same old place.

Moving from a smaller city Trichy, to a metropolitan Chennai ,I am also one among those who complain about the scorching sun and the irritating local lingo of the auto/bus drivers. Trichy/Thanjavur & nearby areas are places where there is no specific accent to Thamizh. Basically , being a person who loves languages & who likes persons based on how it takes form in him/her,I hated Madras for that matter. Even now, I couldn't tolerate watching a comedy rendered in Madras Tamil.

Despite all that, today, I knew how much I miss the place and how much I love the 'Madras' city. The city is full of activity. We do not need an agenda to spend a weekend here.

Adyar Odyssey, the basement has a wide collection of books and the first floor , new DVDs and greeting cards. A walk to there is really fruitful.

Books on any subject/ old magazines/ story books/novels all in one place, and that is Moor market.

Sowcarpet-a place where I do my shopping. We get all those so called designer outfit for a lesser price compared to the showrooms.And dont forget to grab some fresh vegetables/fruits from there. The Badam Kheer and Pav Bhaji in shops are just awesome.

Any new movie ,if a must watch on the first week end of its release, I go to Mayajaal. Otherwise, it can be watched in Satyam, when I could book a ticket.

When I am troubled, I just have to take a walk/jog to the sea and its enough to send some tranquility in me. Sometimes, I have wandered around unfamiliar parts of the neighbourhood, walking around looking at the big houses and the small shops. At times, I do get lost somewhere in the dark bushy streets and struggle to get out to the streets with people, but then its really adventurous later , when I think of them.

Although the city boasts of the rich South Indian heritage, it is of diverse cultures and each nourishes within its boundaries. Being a cosmopolitan and the state capital , the city has people from all states. I do not know if I like it or not. Still, I wish we hold on to our S.Indian culture to some extent. Oops .. Regionalism.I stop,its not my intent.

Margazhi Utsavam in the months of December and January foster your sense to the wonderful art called classical music. Women in rich Pattu sarees , and the jasmine flowers adorning their heads , is a rich sight by itself. I can just walk to any nearby temple or a hall and spend three hours of solid quality time there.

There is something about food that brings out the best and worst in all of us . Being a major requisite for survival, availability of good food is a must. One may turn erratic if good food is denied. The number of eat outs in Chennai is plenty.Only that it has become too costly nowadays. The authentic food of South -steaming dosa ,Vada in any restaurant, Curd rice in Al Pranavam , Adai Aviyal in Krishna Sweets , Pakoda kolambu in Karaikkudi,bhajji on the beach road near RTO, Kuli paniyaram near Besant nagar Konica, Aavin Kulfi, Fruzee near Naihaa , Naturals Icecream...I can list so many.... all these are easily accessible by walk to me.

Life without temples is unimaginable in Tamilnadu.Whichever way we look at it, atheists too turn God fearing in times of adversity.

Adyar Padmanabhaswamy, the Lord sleeps so peacefully , one good look at Him, well I am transported to Srirangam. The deity looks very similar in the magnificence and beauty.

Marundheeswarar temple - What more to say, He is the panacea for all troubles. The whole place is so calm and peaceful.

Other places I visit in Chennai are Mylapore and Triplicane.These are the places that remind me that I am still in Chennai, & our own S.Indian Chennai.

Above everything, I miss my roommates. . Everyday,there were people to wait for me to have dinner. All the pressure at work/anywhere just vanishes when you know that you have good people around and they wait for you to dine with :) Its not so easy to find good people everywhere, you have to be destined to meet them. Again,'good' is a relative term.And make sure you grab the oppurtunity if you are destined, not often you get a chance:)

Do not know why I post this link here.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dz4dkh_08hY&sns=fb I watch this almost daily nowadays. And everyone living abroad will know what this means. And am sure, home beckons everyone who can relate to the emotions of this short film.

I miss you Madras ...I miss you Singara Chennai... May be I will write about Omaha after I leave from here. That is the irony in life. We never know the worth of anything, unless we no longer possess it.