how much does it cost??

To earn a few more coins... How much one needs to pay? Atleast ... for a few Indian minds like me, its terribly expensive to get a few more pennys in the purse! Wonder, Why am i dreadfully confusing?

Onsite travel-a dream of every software engineer!
For me, its like, i transformed to a software engineer, knowing all the threats, I will face(being very modest,straightforward ), just because, i know i could travel to places only in this profession!

Travelling to places amuses me ... as long as it does not become a routine...And that was the driving force behind me undergoing more than that i can endure all these three years!

So ..Today ..I am in an alien land! Everyone say i can earn more, and i have got what others are struggling to get....


How much I pay for that? Let me elucidate the costs, ofcourse reasonable to me alone!Basic needs of a human being: Food ,Clothing and shelter! How would you feel if you dont get any one of these?

We live in houses with people whom we never knew before.. Its pleasant to have new relationships.. but not always! Every single habit of every single individual differs and most times, we are forced to adjust ! Adjusting is tolerable as long as it doesnt affect our traditions and practices.
We rent a house for exorbitant rent and pay the list of bills , just to eat and sleep in the, atleast 1200 sq feet area.Its just like a taking a room in a hotel if we are out of station..We just come and go,never knowing who resides in the next door! Thats about my shelter :)

Being a strict south Indian vegeterian, food is the Kashmir issue of my life! Ofcourse people dont hesitate to ask me if i dont have any problem in my life,other than food!Believe me, If i dont cook myself..i will starve.Such are the options available outside the kitchen. They call them with wild(??) names , Nothing being edible. Basically, a person who hates to take bread and pizza ... will find extreme complexity(The filter Veg, adding more complexity) in choosing food products outside India! Han,the main drink here is 'COKE' ... Take a sip after every gulp of ur food, to force it thro' the food pipe.Reason being water is costlier than Coke!
Konjam parupu thalichu vitu sooda sathathula nei potu sapta epdi irukum? Sapta madhri irukum...Ma..i miss u so much!
Thats about the primary requisite to be alive!!

Next comes my dress! This isnt a big problem for me , because the costume that i wear here , has been my regular wear when i was in my school..All those years, i have been brought up like a boy..(my long back post, 'MY FQ' will give enough instances) ..But how comfortable is it ? Transformed to the chudi, salwar and dupatta, a few years ago, now i cant even dream of wearing one here ,'All eyes on u' as if you are from the suburbs of the world!Atleast clothing isnt too much far from my reach!

So anyone would ask me, you are not denied any of the three basic needs,then what bothers you.... but do u think i have got ,what i have(would like) to get? Its like being denied!

Mm.. how good is the comfort level here?Born in a tropical country like India , to be true, the summer of the alien grounds seems dead cold winter for me ! I shiver.. My voice got transformed, if i speak its like growling (i wouldnt say that mine was sweet earlier, but now even my sister is not able to recognise)! Waiting for the winter, hope i m not dead:)!

I have a habit of visiting temples both when i am happy(to celebrate my happiness) and when i m lost(to get an air of consolation)! Now, i could just think of those times. Temples are far off:(! Wherever i want to go, i will have to search for a mate to accompany.. Wuf, I hate this dependancy! I cannot be me!

Above all ! My Parents for whom i live for, my friends who made me feel my life, are all far off! Sharing a word with them is becoming costly(time & money being deciding factors) ...
I wish atleast the distance doesnt grow further!
Every weekend, I remember, either i go to my hometown or spend time with friends ! Now even that has become a distant dream !!
Think i have paid my life !
Long back , i wrote a small verse in tamil ,
Vilaiyatra en vazhkaiyai
Vilai pesi vitren,
En vazhkaiyai ota !!!
So now tell me !!!
How much does it cost???

ha ha... So anyone who reads would expect me to return to India soon...There is the irony! I would like to continue here as long as it would take me!


Cheers!!:)
Would add more to this in the coming days!! :)

Just like that :)

Sun in winter!

Rain in scorching summer!

Are they not cherished?

Anything in full is uninvited,

A blend is crucial!

But When to be & when not to be?

Where to be and where not to be?

Who determines?

I am far off ……

Neither can I linger here forever...

Nor can I haul out from here at once.
The roads are to be trekked…

However they may be

Greener or paler…

They are merited.

That,Sets my heart free to myself

which defines my life,
In humble submission to nature’s tenderness

To remain better and bright.

Perhaps so,

A comfort in ache :)

No mood to name !

Thoorangal neendana,
Mounangal thodarnthana,
Namidiye irukum
Ariyaa vuravai unarthava ???

Endralum , inithana enaku .....

Distance reminds ur Love! :)
I think i found love....

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I dream, i m lost most times!
Ek Taare zameen par resembled me too much!
Living in a fantasy world...
If so, dont i know the reality?
Nope, I know, but Could i ever change that ?
Why to crib about that when i can dream?
I love that serenity!

******************************************

I speak ...to every entity thats close to me!
Ofcourse , rarely human beings!
People laugh at me, who cares?
They listen... they dont argue!
I have someone ( oh no, some things)
Which hear me !

*********************************************

I argue........... to every human
Whom i find close to me,
I know not to show love,
Instead i fight !
I pity, they will never know
that i really like them !

*********************************************
I forget........... every person
Whom i never want to hear about again,
I know not to show anger on them,
for whom i lost my respect....
I pity , they will never know,
that i already forgot them!

**********************************************
Who am i??? the most contradictory specimen !
I knew not! i could hardly comprehend me ....


P.S: Will Continue this series ...if i wander thro' the same mood:)

P.P.S : I found love... wuf! again i contradict all..
I dont mean i found my partner(for all those who raised eyebrows)...i said i found that i too know to love !
I do love my baap n maa :) dont I ?

On the streets of Basildon :)

Wow!! A beautiful place of my kind...calm...beautiful roads, lovely flowers adorning them, greener pathways, pretty houses leaving my heart n soul in peace! I m often seem lost in this serenic beAuty .... Ofcourse , not new to me, but now a little longer thAT i come to the real world :)
This small poem is in memory of him ;) ....

We spoke not of the sun, nor of the fair growing moon
This soul, whose day was done
Had never claimed its share in all those
Yet its rare...rich heritage had won...
Special bond had formed...

So thro' my heart, there winds a track of feeling...
A path of memory that is all my own ...
Wherto...
Twas here ,
We walked when ferns were springing,
When birds were singing in the greener and pleasant shade...
Twas here .....
His phantom beauty ever stealing
My thinking eyes!!!

The Fancy of his image on me falls...
Walks with me with a slow step
At every turn and corner ....
And touch my happier day!!!:):)

Cheers,
Lady Peare
I walk for thee:):)
P.S : If u have read my initial posts...u would know who is he:)!!

Goals – They are stars!!

Was there any goal to this journey???
Definitely no purpose.. Just a write up.. It goes on as much as it would, as much as it could.. it stops when it cannot go further...

Well, let me start , the question which had the uncountable number of occurrences in my life is ‘What is your goal in life? ’ ,’what would you like to become?’...
I should say the answers too had as many occurrences and each being unique & distinct.. Though in the end, it appeared that I had never had a choice in that matter.. Every move was irretrievable,and fate directed each step towards what I am now ?!!

When I was three years old, goals never disturbed the open, uncorrupted mind of a kid. I had always imagined to be a girl who recites thirupaavai and sings ‘Chinna chinna kannanku ena vendum’ in some temple.

Freedom fighter
Little I grew, my imagination grew to something heroic..
I was acquainted to freedom fighters Lokmanya Tilak, Bharathiyar etc. through cinemas and dramas. I wished to become a freedom fighter never knowing that the freedom struggle is already fruitful till I was taught that I am already a citizen of Independent Bharath.
‘Why not?’ Then who is this chief minister, Prime minister?? Are we not ruled by them .’’. I will fight for freedom, the hearers were bewildered at the innocence and arrogance of the little kid.
An orator
Books, Debates, Radio programmes entered the kid’s philosophical cerebrum.
As much as I read, I loved to deliver and preach others. And I was so enthusiastic and energetic, I never hesitate to speak before any number of people. The crowd was just an entity without life.. I spoke with all passion.. Now I could realize how people tolerated me for speaking subjects which could never be understood by children of my age... The fearlessness and courage in me always pushed me to think myself us a great orator....
Singer
I was ten when I joined my music classes, my passion grew, I heard lot of music, sang with all reverence...
The pattu paavadai and the jimiki whenever I sing, amused me so much..
The comments that I got from the maami’s and maama’s made me prepared to become a famous singer & sign my fans autograph books...
An IAS officer
Come summer holidays ,the circumstances prevailing at home would be serious fun in the evenings..Quiz time for me and my cousins. Dad will be the scorer and the judge .In order to win the game, I started seriously preparing for the evening show with the CSR issues. My favorite column being ‘Toppers talk to u , My biggest Mistake’ ..etc.. I started loving to go to Thillainagar, just because my dad said that the district collector resides there. I built my home there, my swing in front, my car with the siren…all in dreams!!
A soldier
Republic day Parades , a show which could make me immobile… The discipline and the uniformity exhibited by the soldiers stole my senses.. I wanted to live like a soldier… once I told my mom, ‘ Ma, I want to die the death of a soldier.. ‘ for which I was slapped and was told,'I would have kissed you if you had said, that I will win as a soldier'
English Professor
English-Not just a language ..It’s a relation, It’s an entity in me, no…emotion in me.. I love my English classes..I gained a measure of peace, a hysterical pleasure..What not??? Everything in my life..How I would listen to Shakespeare retold by my English teacher..Often I thought, it was the proudest and the noblest of all occupations in all dignity and honor to be an English Professor…
A psychiatrist
By now, I was fifteen years I was given the option of choosing my group..I wished to become a doctor. A systematic plan not only for preparation with time bound targets but also for specializations after doing my UG was drafted..I wanted to become a psychiatrist..
A scientist in ISRO
Space shuttles, Missiles…All fascinated the budding Mechanical Engineer. I had always dreamt of being an young scientist, who works with heart and soul…


It goes on and on… What am I now? I have never dreamt of being a Software engineer… Not even a faint memory that resides in me says I wished to be a Computer Engineer…
But I was taken in a path which I have never ever felt to choose… Nor I felt I should …
Goals…what are they? I really do not know … I reached where I never dreamt of.. with destinations where I wanted to, becoming distant lands where I could never go to ….

For me..Goals are just like stars..they are uncountable…
They can never be reached unless you are destined to ………

That’s the fate of my Goals